Finding joy in the Lord as we raise our children
In a game of word association, the word “children” does not always evoke the word “Joy”. Sometimes the word “grief” is a better fit. Colic, reflux, lactose intolerance, snot, missing shoes, missing teeth, missing link, trips to the hospital, visits to principle, school fees, late slips, braces, broken windows, broken heart, bunking out, boyfriends, girlfriends, cigarettes, matric exams, university (or not), university fees, #feesmustfall, failure, graduation, unemployment etc. etc. etc. To the average parent this is not the stuff of joy. But it is the stuff of children. And yet when you ask most parents about children, well, “they’re a joy”. How so? Perhaps we need a biblical rethink of the meaning of joy, and the meaning of children. Here are seven ways we might do just that.
God, joy, and children.
Joy is satisfaction of the deepest, most enduring kind. And it is only, ultimately, to be found in God. Whatever else we find joy in is a conduit; a channel redirecting us to the true source of joy. So it is with children. Our joy in them can never be disconnected from our joy in Him. Joy does not reside in our children. It can only pass through them en route to God. That is the nature of the joy we can have in our children. Joy in these ways…
Joy in their coming.
Children are a gift from God, and when they arrive we should rejoice in Him. If you need help remembering that at 3am on a Tuesday, read Hannah’s prayer (1 Sam 2.1-10) or Mary’s song (Luke 1.46-56). Your child may not be Samuel or Jesus, but they are no less a gift from God or a reason to rejoice.
Joy in their growth.
We all know what it’s like when they finally get something: potty training, riding a bike, simultaneous equations – it warms our hearts. How much more cause for joy when they grow in the Lord? When they ask genuine questions about God, when they pray from the heart, when they choose self-control over revenge by hockey stick. There is joy in seeing our children “grow in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and men” (Lk 2.52).
Joy in their triumphs.
The ballet recital; the bronze medal; the learners license – cause for celebration, every one of them. But again, how much more the triumphs of character. The peacemaking, the forgiveness, the faithfulness, the humility before God and your little sister. These are the true trophies. This is where real joy is to be found.
Joy in their failings.
No-one gives out a tin cup for coming last. There are no certificates for being caught cheating on a test. But when we teach our children to suffer well, to trust in the midst of trial, then joy is still available to us. Failure is not devoid of joy, because God is not absent in failure. Christ died for our failure. When our children come to understand this, and struggle through the pain of failure with Him, this can and should be a moment of deep rejoicing.
Joy in their joy.
Can there be any greater joy for a parent than to see their children rejoicing in the Lord? I don’t imagine so. It’s a day we should all be longing, praying and parenting for.
Joy in their leaving.
This is the goal, right? I don’t just mean packed off to varsity, or the first job, or finally evicted age 45. I don’t just mean physical separation. I mean the day they transfer ultimate trust and obedience from us to their Father in heaven. That’s the goal of parenthood. They are not ours. They are His. And we want them to go home. Therein lies the joy.
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