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Category: Parenting

Christian motherhood: A true story
[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_text]By Rosie Moore. (This article first appeared on The Gospel Coalition-Africa (TGC) website, May 10, 2020).

I’ve heard a few clichés over the last 23 years of being a mom: “Your kids will grow up in the blink of an eye.” “Don’t worry, this season will end and things will get easier.” “Just love them unconditionally! That’s all you need to know.” Any of these ring a bell? If we are honest – none of these are really true, let alone easy. So I thought, in honour of mother’s day, I would put together some insights (from hindsight) for the benefit of a younger Christian woman; a dose of truth about Christian motherhood from my experience.

Saying Goodbye to Me, Myself & I

A few years ago I sat beside my husband at the graduation of our eldest daughter, Jessie. It was a blast from the past, with memories of my own graduation in the same hall 27 years beforehand. It felt like yesterday that I was a carefree student posing for photos in my cap and gown, eager for the future – a future in which only three people featured – Me, Myself and I. Three years later I got married and admitted as an attorney. Life continued as usual, with perhaps a slight modification to my expectations of the future – now featuring Me, Myself, I and My Husband as the main characters.

Motherhood changed my narrative irrevocably. My vision for the future was blurred by sleep deprivation, depression and mom-brain.

But four years after tying the knot, on the coldest day of 1996, we brought home our adorable but strong-willed, insatiable, colicky baby girl from the hospital! Motherhood changed my narrative irrevocably. By 2003 I was the mom of three daughters and a son, lost in the thick forest of nappies, naps, feeding, taxi driving and homework. My vision for the future was blurred by sleep deprivation, depression and mom-brain, which remained unabated for at least a decade. The actors in my life narrative did not feature Me, Myself or I. In fact, these characters had disappeared from the cast and I wondered if the old Me would ever return to the set. Who was she anyway?

Getting Some Perspective

The truth is that perspective disappears when you’re a mom in the trenches of raising small children. Especially for those locked down in a pandemic! But today, as mother to three daughters and a son (aged 23, 21, 18, 16) my role has morphed into a completely different character. My children no longer grumble or spit out their food, but think their mother is a wonderful cook! I get to enjoy robust Bible studies with them, laugh at their endless banter, and jog with them. I even get to watch them take care of each other, sharing the load of counsellor, nurse, tutor and referee that once weighed heavily on my shoulders.

Two Helpful Mistakes

So today, standing further from the action, I look at motherhood through a different lens. A lens which has clarified two skewed perceptions from earlier years. First, I trusted in God too little as a mother, and second, I underestimated the power of small but important things done day after day, year after year over a long period of time.

Three Valuable Truths

Here are three valuable truths about Christian motherhood I was able to gather in hindsight which I want to share with you.
1. Your End Goal is Eternity
Christian motherhood is about raising your children for eternity, not just for bedtime or an ‘easier’ season of independence. Keep looking into the eyes of your children and know that God loves these little people deeply; Jesus invited all children to come to him. God has entrusted them specifically to you to lead them to Himself. And He has not made a mistake in making you the mother of your children.

They are your ‘home group’, your mission field and your closest community. Your children are the lambs you feed first, for you have been appointed as their shepherd. They are your first port of call for Christ’s Great Commission to go and make disciples of all nations. Starting at home, we are to teach them to observe all that Christ has taught us (Matt 28:20). If we believe the truth of the Gospel, this is one job we have to do diligently.

To be winsome and credible to our children, we need to first cultivate a dynamic and devoted relationship with Jesus ourselves.

The Gospel is Caught, not Taught

Yes, there have been times when my children didn’t want to hear about God. No amount of diligent discipleship or bulldozing could compel them to love the Lord. But I also know that to be winsome and credible to our children, we need to first cultivate a dynamic and devoted relationship with Jesus ourselves. We need to be a Mary who sits at Christ’s feet, not a Martha who just gets the job done. Children smell hypocrisy a mile off, and the Gospel is primarily caught, not taught.

Early on in my mothering, I read God’s command to the people of Israel in Deuteronomy 6:4-9 and felt its weight as a mother. Over the long haul, it is this passage that has been my rudder and spur more than any other. For mothering starts with loving the Lord with our own heart and soul and might. Love for God is inextricably linked to the act of taking hold of God’s word and passing it on to our children, day in and day out, like a baton in a relay. Love for God and obeying his design for godly parenting cannot be separated. If you have ever objected to being your child’s teacher, the Bible takes issue with that! Your work as a mom is done line upon line, precept upon precept, over a long period of time.
1. Don’t Underestimate the Early Foundations
Christian Motherhood is not a fixed term contract. In fact, I have more opportunities to teach my teenagers today than I ever did when they were small. We talk about everything, from politics to evolution. From transgenderism to the post-truth culture that is shaping everything they learn at school and university. Our children need to become thinkers, as opposed to robots who simply process information and accept ideas without exploring the implications for all of life. Our teenage children need to learn how to give a reason for the hope within them (1 Peter 3:15). But all these conversations are built on the early foundations.

They remember the time spent reading, reciting memory verses and praying together. The Holy Spirit made sure his Word didn’t come back empty

The Power of God’s Word

Years ago I thought none of my children were listening to me reading Leading Little Ones to God or The Child’s Story Bible or Little Pilgrim’s Progress. Sometimes we all nodded off before the end of our devotion! But today they remember the time spent reading, reciting memory verses, praying and going to Bible Tots together. The Holy Spirit made sure his Word didn’t come back empty and by God’s grace all of our children have soft hearts towards the Lord.

Small family habits, rituals and casual conversations over many years do not have the power to save our children. But they are like the careful laying down of paper, twigs and firelighters in a hearth – ready for the Holy Spirit to light the match and breathe life into their hearts.
1. Your Undercover Boss is Jesus
In the monumental task of Christian motherhood, it’s easy to feel that your potential is being wasted. That your work is futile, endless and invisible. But your mothering matters to the King of Kings! He made you in his own image, to be fruitful and multiply, to rule and reign over his Creation, which is your home for much of your life. Your work is not just giving birth, putting food on the table and tolerating your children until they’re civilised! It is correcting and training your children day-by-day, building good habits and creating order from chaos. Just as God did at Creation.

Your mothering matters to the King of Kings!

Lean on Christ

On those days that you’re staggering under an unbearable weight or find yourself controlling your family with an iron fist, remember that parenting is God’s work, not yours. Jesus is the boss and the Saviour, not you! Mom, learn early on the hidden power of surrender: surrender in rest and restoration, surrender in repentance. Surrender in prayer, surrender in dependence. Because it’s not all up to you.

The Blessing of Christian Motherhood

Finally, use these precious years to bless your family! Don’t waste the chance to say these simple words: “I’m proud of your perseverance”. “I loved watching the way you cared for your sister”. Or “thank you for being an amazing husband”. Christian mothers, honour and encourage your family. And don’t waste a single day on needless fretting.

When you’re tempted to throw in the towel, remember how Nehemiah responded to Sanballat when he tried to divert him: “I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down!” (Nehemiah 6:3).[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container background_color=”#ffffff” background_image=”” background_parallax=”none” enable_mobile=”no” parallax_speed=”0.3″ background_repeat=”no-repeat” background_position=”left top” video_url=”” video_aspect_ratio=”16:9″ video_webm=”” video_mp4=”” video_ogv=”” video_preview_image=”” overlay_color=”” overlay_opacity=”0.5″ video_mute=”yes” video_loop=”yes” fade=”no” border_size=”0px” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” padding_top=”20″ padding_bottom=”20″ padding_left=”5%” padding_right=”5%” hundred_percent=”yes” equal_height_columns=”yes” hide_on_mobile=”no” menu_anchor=”” class=”” id=””][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_3″ last=”no” spacing=”yes” center_content=”no” hide_on_mobile=”no” background_color=”” background_image=”https://www.christchurchmidrand.co.za//wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Devotions-sign-up-to-our-mailing-list-logo-300×300.png” background_repeat=”no-repeat” background_position=”center center” hover_type=”none” link=”” border_position=”all” border_size=”0px” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” padding=”” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” animation_type=”0″ animation_direction=”down” animation_speed=”0.1″ animation_offset=”” class=”” id=””][/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type=”2_3″ last=”yes” spacing=”yes” center_content=”no” hide_on_mobile=”no” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” background_position=”left top” hover_type=”none” link=”” border_position=”all” border_size=”0px” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” padding=”2%” margin_top=”2%” margin_bottom=”2%” animation_type=”0″ animation_direction=”down” animation_speed=”0.1″ animation_offset=”” class=”” id=””][fusion_title size=”2″ content_align=”left” style_type=”default” sep_color=”” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” class=”” id=””]

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May 10, 2020
To new fathers, from weathered ones
[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_text]Advice from dads who have walked the road before

My first-born child is due in November this year, and I’m excited like you can’t believe! I take every moment I get to talk to my wife’s belly and I don’t care how weird it looks… even if we are in public!
However, I’m also nervous. I don’t know what to expect.
These are some of the fears going through my head as I’m writing:

1. Will I break her?
2. Will she love me?
3. Will my parenting be an obstruction in her path to knowing Jesus?
4. I don’t know how to raise a girl!!! They’re from a different planet!
5. What if she’s a really tough child?
6. What if I don’t discipline right? How do you discipline right?

Having this in mind, and knowing that Father’s Day is around the corner, I asked some men in our church for advice. This is what they responded with:

Lee Martin

The things I have found most striking about fatherhood is the realisation that you can’t make your children into Christians, but you can turn them into Pharisees. As a father, you need to reflect Christ to your children in an honest – not hypocritical way; pray (a lot) that they come to know Christ as their ultimate treasure; give guidance but also give your kids space to make choices (even wrong choices) so that they can learn from their mistakes.
Most importantly, never assume that they are Christians. Be aware that gospel bubble wrap does not protect from the sin that comes from the heart (Jer 17:9). Authentic heart transformation of your children is your greatest desire.

Donald McDougall

We are all given 24 hours per day. How we spend it is what makes the difference. We all need to sleep, work, eat, and so on. What do we do with our discretionary time?
It has been said that a teenager spells ‘love’ like this: TIME. Time is precious to us and to those we interact with, so how we use it reflects where our heart is.

David Kobedi

Christ has called us to a life of service. This is often easy to say but hard to live out, and nothing tests my unwillingness to serve more than being a parent. I feel like I’ve been stretched, dragged and sometimes left thinking if sleep is necessary for human existence. However, it has been the most joyous adventure of my life! I see now why serving has far greater worth than being self-centred.

Tian Liebenberg

As a child (and even now as an adult), I often heard parents bark the old adage of “Don’t do as I do, do as I say!” at their children. As a father, I can think of few things further from the truth. Children exercise “behavioural modelling”, which means that they are more likely to do and emulate what they see being done, than do what they are told.
So, whilst it is critical to ensure that we follow Ephesians 6:4 to “… bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”, the method by which we do this as godly fathers, is to ensure that we show and model our own dependence on our heavenly Father to our children. The role of a dad is to point our children to the ultimate hero, the Lord Jesus!

Panganayi Sithole
1. Always, especially if the child is very young, put your child on your chest for attachment purposes. It helps form the bond between father and child.
2. Always talk and relate to your wife in a godly manner in the presence of your child – even when you think the child is too young to understand. They learn a lot by how you act.
3. When they start talking, always pay attention to their questions, and don’t just pass it off with a quick one-liner. Give thought to your response.
4. Don’t always allow your child to have his/ her own way. Even if you have what they want, it’s good to teach them self-control.
Peter Moore

What a privilege to have had a generous loving father (and father-in-law!) who was always involved in the life of our family and backed me continuously.
What a delight to be the father of 4 wonderfully created, uniquely different children.
What a blessing to be a Dad and to be actively involved in the lives of my children.
What a joy to have a heavenly Father who has redeemed me by his Son, indwells me by His Spirit and promises me eternal life in His presence.
What a pleasure to point my children to such a perfect heavenly Father: life goes so quickly so always have an eternal perspective.

Roydon Frost

You are going to make many, many, many mistakes. Even your idealism is a mistake. You are going to sin against your daughter; sin against her mother; sin against others while she is watching. So be ready to say you are sorry, often, and mean it. And when she says sorry, be ready to forgive, quickly and freely. She doesn’t just need to hear you speak about repentance and faith in Christ – more than anything, she needs to see you live it out. So be ready to say you are sorry.

That… and learn something about tying hair before your wife takes her first holiday.

Godfrey Ndaba
1. Be prepared to sleep less.
  You’ll have less sleep all-round and some sleepless nights. It’s incredible how one little person can cause so much tiredness.
  In the midst of all this, do not forget to give your wife the break she deserves – offering yourself to burn the midnight oil is a good suggestion as it allows her to get rest. She has to be able to nap during the day whilst you bond with the little one… it’s a team effort.
2. Love your wife enough to ensure that she does not feel like she is second choice.
  It’s your job to make sure she rests as much as possible and doesn’t feel a lot of pressure to take care of stuff around the house. You pick up the slack wherever possible so that she is able to rest.
BE INVOLVED – FATHERHOOD IS A JOURNEY- enjoy the ride.

Nick Reverly

A few thoughts…
1. Pray for your children every day. Show them that Jesus is the centre of your life.
2. Live in such a way that they will be proud to be your children. The fruits of the Spirit must be evident in your life. Resist sin and temptation.
3. Spend as much time as you can with them, even if it means giving up TV, sport etc… and enjoy it. Don’t just pretend to enjoy it.
4. Tell them you love them every day… 2 or 3 times a day… or more.
5. If you have a spouse, love him/her, have fun together, be together. Sacrifice your own desires and ambitions in order to spend time together as a family.
6. Provide for their needs, not their greeds.
7. Find the balance between love and discipline. Set and maintain the boundaries, as best you can, bearing in mind each child is unique. Always be fair.
Peter Sealy-Fisher

Get in there fast. Young kids watch you so closely without you noticing it. Live your love for Jesus overtly so they can learn a love for Him through what you do and not just what you say. Don’t leave the parenting to Mom. Develop a bond with your children where you can foster a love for Christ from the get-go. If you wait till they are ready to leave home, it is probably too late to have a profound influence. Even then, keep up talking to them and praying for their love for Jesus.

Jerry Gule

Most importantly, a godly father has to accept the authority of Christ and of the Bible. The Bible is very clear that daily the husband and father must strive to not break the relationship with his wife and kids. Otherwise his prayers just bounce between the floor and the ceiling. So he has to clear things with his peeps including his children. He must also be forgiving as he is also forgiven. Put bluntly: a great father knows that Christ wears the pants around the house and he bows to His authority. This is the foundation for great fatherhood otherwise one becomes a man whistling in the wind with absolutely not principles and direction which is dangerous and toxic.

Erik Van Den Top

1. Listen to your wife as she’s always right.
2. You and your wife need to be on the same page in terms of discipline and parenting. Children tend to play their parents off each other. It’s good to come across as a united front.
3. In a family, the wife comes first and then your kids. Don’t forget that!
4. You are a parent until they are an adult. Prepare for this from the start. When they leave the home, you can still help sometimes, but you have to let them go. You are not accountable for their actions.[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container background_color=”#ffffff” background_image=”” background_parallax=”none” enable_mobile=”no” parallax_speed=”0.3″ background_repeat=”no-repeat” background_position=”left top” video_url=”” video_aspect_ratio=”16:9″ video_webm=”” video_mp4=”” video_ogv=”” video_preview_image=”” overlay_color=”” overlay_opacity=”0.5″ video_mute=”yes” video_loop=”yes” fade=”no” border_size=”0px” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” padding_top=”20″ padding_bottom=”20″ padding_left=”5%” padding_right=”5%” hundred_percent=”yes” equal_height_columns=”yes” hide_on_mobile=”no” menu_anchor=”” class=”” id=””][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_3″ last=”no” spacing=”yes” center_content=”no” hide_on_mobile=”no” background_color=”” background_image=”https://www.christchurchmidrand.co.za//wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Mail-2.png” background_repeat=”no-repeat” background_position=”center center” hover_type=”none” link=”” border_position=”all” border_size=”0px” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” padding=”” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” animation_type=”0″ animation_direction=”down” animation_speed=”0.1″ animation_offset=”” class=”” id=””][/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type=”2_3″ last=”yes” spacing=”yes” center_content=”no” hide_on_mobile=”no” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” background_position=”left top” hover_type=”none” link=”” border_position=”all” border_size=”0px” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” padding=”2%” margin_top=”2%” margin_bottom=”2%” animation_type=”0″ animation_direction=”down” animation_speed=”0.1″ animation_offset=”” class=”” id=””][fusion_title size=”2″ content_align=”left” style_type=”default” sep_color=”” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” class=”” id=””]

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June 14, 2018
How to Talk to Teens About Racism

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_text]An Interview with Blaque Nubon

Blaque Nubon is no stranger to the discussion on race. He has preached on it many times, written about it and in every instance his goal has been to bring glory to our Lord through unity amidst races. It’s a hard topic to speak to adults about, but is it harder to speak to teenagers about it? Should we even speak to teenagers about it?

Blaque Nubon is also no stranger to teenagers. Being the youth pastor at a multi-cultural church, Christ Church Midrand, Blaque has seen the effects of racism on teens and has learnt some helpful tips on how to chat to them about this topic. Hey may not have all the answers, but as you listen to this Podcast, he is extremely helpful on shedding some biblical light.

Listen on an Apple device:

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Stream or download the audio:

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May 24, 2018
Running The Marathon Of Motherhood

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By Rosie Moore.

“Your kids will grow up in the blink of an eye.”

“Don’t worry, this season will end and things will get easier.”

“Just love them unconditionally! That’s all you need to know.”

I’ve heard these clichés often over the last 21 years of being a mom. A few weeks ago I sat beside my husband in Jameson Hall, UCT, at the graduation of our eldest daughter, Jessie. It was a blast from the past, with memories of my own graduation in the same hall 27 years beforehand. It felt like yesterday that I was a carefree student posing for photos in my cap and gown, brimming with excitement for the future– A future in which only three people featured– Me, Myself and I. Three years later I got married and admitted as an attorney. Life continued as usual, with perhaps a slight modification to my expectations of the future– now featuring Me, Myself, I, and My Husband as the main characters.

But four years after tying the knot, on the coldest day of 1996, I brought home my adorable, but screaming, insatiable, colicky baby girl from the hospital, and this was the event that turned my life upside down. Motherhood changed my narrative irrevocably. By 2003 I was the mom of three daughters and a son, lost in the thick forest of nappies, naps, feeding, taxi driving and daily routines that were determined by my four children. My vision for the future was impaired by sleep deprivation and mom-brain, which remained unabated for at least a decade. The actors in my life narrative did not feature Me, Myself or I. In fact, these characters were nowhere to be seen in the cast. I wondered if the old Me would ever return to the set.

The truth is that it is hard to keep perspective when you are a mom in the trenches of raising small children. But through the lens of my own daughters (now aged 21, 16 and 14) and my son (aged 19), I look back at the last two decades and have clarity about two things:

First, I trusted in God too little as a mother, and second, I underestimated the power of small but important things done day after day, year after year over a long period of time.

Here are some insights from hindsight to share with a younger Christian woman in the turbulent ocean of motherhood. I hope that they will anchor you, so that you do not become a prisoner of the tide.

You are raising your children for eternity, not just for bedtime or an “easier” season when they are older.

Keep looking into the eyes of your children and know that God loves these little people deeply and has entrusted them specifically to you to lead them to Himself. He has not made a mistake in making you the mother of your children, and Jesus invited all children to come to him. They are your ‘homegroup’, your mission field and your closest community. They are the lambs you feed first, as you have been appointed as their shepherd. They are the first targets of Jesus’ Great Commission to his disciples to go and make disciples of all nations, (starting at home) “teaching them to observe all that I have taught you“. If we are Christ-followers and believe the truth of the Gospel, this is one job we have to do diligently. I have learned over the years that I cannot force my children to love the Lord, but I know that to be winsome and credible, we need to have a living, intimate relationship with Jesus ourselves. Children smell hypocrisy a mile off, and the Gospel is primarily caught, not taught. Early on in my mothering, I read God’s command to the people of Israel and felt its weight as a mother:

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)

I have plastered sticky notes with verses and reminders all over my house, but over the long haul this passage has been my rudder more than any other. Think of it like this: Loving the Lord our God with our heart, soul and might is intricately connected with the act of taking God’s words into our own hearts and passing them down to our children, day in and day out, like a baton in a relay.

Loving God and obeying his design for parenting cannot be separated.

As God’s covenant people, Christian moms have more to talk of with our children than the Israelites, because we live after Jesus and the New Testament. We not only have God’s precepts and wisdom for living from the Old Testament, but also the Gospel which gives flesh and bone to these principles of truth. If you have ever objected to being your child’s teacher, God’s Word takes issue with that! Every mom is a teacher and we cannot leave this task to school or any other person, no matter how much we have on our plate. Your work as a mom is done line upon line, precept upon precept, over a long period of time– it is never instant or once off. It is strange how, at the time, I thought none of my children were listening to me reading Leading Little Ones to God or The Child’s Story Bible or Little Pilgrim’s Progress— sometimes we nodded off before the end of our devotion! But today they all remember the time we spent reading books, memorising Scriptures, praying together and going to Bible Tots. The Holy Spirit did not allow his Word to come back empty and by God’s grace all of our children have soft hearts towards the Lord. Small family habits, rituals and casual conversations over many years do not have the power to save our children, but they are like the careful laying down of paper, twigs and firelighters in a hearth, ready for the Holy Spirit to light the match and breathe life into their hearts.

You are in this for the long haul!

I was under the false impression that mom’s work would be done in a decade but nothing could be further from the truth. Talking about God to your children really hots up when they become teenagers and young adults! High school and university are breeding grounds for postmodern thinking which says that truth is what we feel, and only unintelligent, unscientific people have faith in a supernatural creator. Moms need to be around to talk to their older kids about how God’s purposes relate to evolution, science, transgenderism, marriage, sex, relationships, pornography, work, philosophy and psychology. Our children need to become thinkers, as opposed to robots who process information and accept ideas without thinking through their implications for all of life. Our four children are always being challenged by fellow students and teachers at school and university, by movies, TV and social media. Moms need to be on our toes, so that our teenage children can respectfully give a reason for the hope within them (1 Peter 3:15). Here are some resources I have found helpful in equipping my children to answer the Questions Christians hope no one will ask. Apologetics videos and debates, you tube and podcasts are powerful tools to use with teenagers. Make sure your older children get to RZIM events on South African campuses and churches. Like us, our children need a firm rudder so they are not prisoners of the tide. Extended family, the Church, home group and Christian friends are great allies in leading our children to the Lord, so staying connected to the body of Christ.

The monumental task of mothering is God’s work.

Every day as a mother is a never-to-be-repeated moment in time– a trust from God our Father. Mothering is God’s work as much as any other career or vocation. In Genesis 1 and 2 we are told that God made men and women in his own image, to be fruitful and multiply, and to rule and reign over his Creation. This is not just about giving birth! As image bearers, we are called to create order from chaos like God did at Creation; to be fruitful in our work and to govern and bring order to our sphere of influence, which is our homes for much of our lives. If you are a mom who feels your work is futile, endless, meaningless and insignificant; if you are seeking God’s purpose for your life and His design for your work; if you are looking for a way to serve in ministry, this perspective on motherhood is radical: Motherhood is your primary work and ministry for many years.

It is easy to get bogged down in the moment instead of living with the end in mind. There is a subtle message in our culture whispering that moms are supposed to tolerate their children until they are more civilised and that school will teach them to behave. Since the roots of a child’s moral and character development are established between 18 months and 11 years old, this is a dangerous lie. Put another way, a mother’s work will have by far the greatest impact on the character of her adult children than any other influence. The worst advice I ever received as a mom was to ignore my child’s bad behaviour, and the best advice was from an author called Kevin Leman who has written a number of excellent books on parenting and marriage, including the sensible Parenting your Powerful Child . The bottom line is: character flaws in your child will be entrenched rather than diminished as they grow older, unless you step in with loving correction and training.

There is nothing futile or meaningless about endless cycles of wiping up messes, feeding and cleaning children, comforting them when they are sick or hurting, helping them with homework, speaking kindly, correcting and discipling, talking to them about how to deal with temptation and welcoming strangers in your home. God sees this unseen work and it is good in his eyes. Whether you are a working or stay-at-home mom, a widow or single mom, a mom in children’s ministry or a woman who looks after other people’s children, be assured that your contribution is not related to financial rewards or approval.

Paid or unpaid, recognised or unappreciated, your undercover boss is always Jesus.

You are Jesus’ image-bearer, his hands, feet and mouthpiece, and Jesus says your work is good. Your mothering matters. It is service to the King of Kings. It is a contribution to your family and society. When you feel distracted or FOMO, or when you want to throw in the towel, remember Nehemiah’s reply when Sanballat tried to divert him, “I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down!” (Nehemiah 6:3)

Harness the strength of surrender!

Moms need to learn to raise the white flag of surrender instead of believing the myth that we are in control. There is strength in surrender. We tend to overthink, overanalyse, worry too much and fret about things we can’t control. Peace will only come through the surrender of these things to the Father who loves us and cares for the details and uncertainties of life this side of heaven.

Surrender to rest and restoration.

We sometimes confuse busyness with fruitfulness, refusing to take care of our own needs until we hit the wall. That isn’t smart because the whole pack of cards goes down when mom goes down. Find what you love doing– what restores your energy– and do it often. For me, being in the sun and running in nature fills up my cup so that I can live with joy and contentment. Without the soul food of prayer, God’s Word and regular connection with the people I love, I quickly get depleted. Take time to prepare and eat nutritious food and allow yourself to lie down for a long deep sleep when you feel weary. Neglect the warning signals of your body at your peril!

Surrender to repentance.

My children have been a test of my faith because being a mom has often brought me to my knees in desperation! They have extracted fears and insecurities I never knew I had, including some dark and difficult things– a temper, need for approval, self pity, self indulgence, self righteousness– to mention just the tip of the iceberg. Be sure of this, moms: You will sin and your children will sin, over and over again. I am convinced that we have been put in our homes to show, in a personal and sometimes painful way, what it means to live in a humble state of confession, repentance and forgiveness. The hardest script to learn is: “I was wrong. I am sorry. Please forgive me!” Yet, these nine words are potent and necessary for our children to hear and learn to say for the sake of their own relationships.

Surrender to prayer.

You will never convert your children or control their free will. But the Holy Spirit can draw our children to himself, awaken their hearts to God’s love, and open their eyes to understand the Gospel. He alone can win them over. This is why we need to to surrender in prayer for our families every day. We need to nag God on their behalf.

Surrender to dependence.

You will never find the strength, wisdom, joy and patience required for the mom-journey in yourself or your gifts, but God promises to supply all your needs, day by day, like manna in the desert. You will never be given a week’s supply, only a day. Self sufficiency is a useless crutch for a mom, so surrender it once and for all.

“Restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands.” Elisabeth Elliot.

Surrender to the Saviour.

You will never find ultimate satisfaction in your children or human relationship. Do trust in Jesus and rest in him alone, in every season of motherhood, from crib to empty nest and beyond. Model to your children what trust means in practical everyday life. Otherwise, the world will lead them to believe that friends, a partner, blessings, wealth, achievements or popularity will satisfy them.

Surrender your expectations.

You will never be the ideal mom and will never raise the perfect child. You risk losing your child’s heart when you disapprove of him/her as a human being or act like you’ve got it all together.

Teach your children to make the best of whatever crumbs they find in their hands, instead of always searching for a feast of false expectations.

“God always gives his best to those who leave the choice with him.” (Jim Elliot.)

Surrender your hurts.

Surrender your anxiety and failures, fears, regrets, doubts, pain and sicknesses to Jesus, and practice this as a family, so that your children witness Jesus’ redemption and comfort in this messy business of life. You will never escape hardships in your family and sometimes will be hit by wave after wave of disappointment or anguish. But there is hope: Disappointments are God-appointments for the Christian family. My own experience is that in suffering we either run towards Jesus or away from Him. We either experience firsthand that nothing can separate us from the love of God, or we stagger in our own strength under the unbearable weight of pain. The choice is ours, and we bring our children along with us.

Finally, bless your family!

Family rituals are powerful and moms can make these happen.
Get your family together regularly to thank God for his provision and bless each member verbally, including your husband. It may feel unnatural at first, but soon your children will bask in the sense of identity and unity they gain from being part of a family that serves the Lord, stands together and depends on His grace. It is so easy for us to criticise and shame our children or dishonour our husbands as we rush to meet the demands of school and work, but blessing family members aloud is a lifetime gift that costs us nothing. Simple words like “I’m proud of your perseverance,” “You handled that setback incredibly well this week,” “Thank you for being an amazing husband” are soothing for the soul.

We have a formal ‘blessing’ dinner on Saturday evenings to remind ourselves of God’s provision and to honour and encourage our children. It is modelled on Shabbat which Jewish families celebrate on Friday evenings to prepare for the Sabbath. Pete leads the service, in which each family member participates, and then we enjoy a special dinner together. The explicit blessing of this dinner has enriched us all greatly.

Happy Mother’s day!

Moms, my prayer is that you will know that every day is Mother’s Day! Each new morning is a unique opportunity to bless and bring life to your home. You have been given an epic journey to walk, which morphs and meanders over the years, but never gets less challenging or less significant. Don’t waste a single day on needless fretting, nor underestimate the longterm power of small habits, repeated day after day, in love.

“Let your eyes look straight ahead. Fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet. And take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or left.” (Proverbs 4:25-27)

P.S. As for “Me, Myself and I”, the characters that got lost in motherhood– don’t worry about surrendering them! They may leave the cast for a while, but you will find your true self again and it will be a better version of the “me” you left behind. Jesus himself promised that if we want to save our life we will lose it, “but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” (Matthew 16:25)

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May 10, 2018
Raising children – how I keep my joy!

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_text]By Linda Ritchie.

My experience of motherhood was nothing like I’d anticipated: idyllic scenarios of peaceful days spent feeding and dressing our eagerly-anticipated baby. In fact, my life changed – overnight – from organised calm to total chaos, punctuated by incessant crying and utter confusion.

Never have my expectations been so shattered.

Love Like Christ

I remember longing for life to “return to normal” and being bluntly informed that this unabating mayhem was my new normal. Imagine my horror! There were countless times when I clung onto God’s command to “Be still and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10). Around this time, my mother, in her limitless wisdom, encouraged me that, “This, too, will pass”. And she was right. The good news is that babies grow up: they stop crying, they start talking (granted, that’s not necessarily always a good thing) and they become more independent. It really does get easier.

But the news is better than merely a return to sleeping through the night and a sense of routine. Having children has given me first-hand experience of the magnitude of God’s great love for us. I’ve always found it intellectually reassuring to quote Paul’s words from Romans 8:37 and 38:

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.”

The depth of love I have experienced for my own children has changed these verses from “nice-to-recite” to “profound-to-experience”. Now, I am as far removed from a perfect mother as a clucking chicken is from a majestic martial eagle. However, if my self-centred heart can be so consumed with love for our four children – to the extent that I would happily die for them- how much more does our perfect Heavenly Father love and care for us? Unfathomably more. Because His love is perfect. What a joy to realise this truth!

Love Like Children

I also love the reciprocal learning that I experience with our children. I teach them all the essential aspects of life, like eating with a knife and fork and dressing themselves. They teach me the wonders of God’s creation: from the delicate spots on a butterfly’s wings to the endless stars in the inky sky. Through my children’s lenses, I have gained a fresh appreciation of how “The heavens declare the glory of God” (Ps. 19:1). I teach my children to say “please”, “thank you” and “I’m sorry”, they teach me the true meaning of forgiving and forgetting. There are many days when my less-than-ideal behaviour could have landed me the role of Cinderella’s wicked step-mother, and the next day the children are decorating my neck with hugs and adorning my ears with kisses. All is forgiven and forgotten. Jesus commands us to forgive the people who wrong us “seventy times seven” (Matt. 18:22). My children regularly show me how to put this command into practice.

There is certainly truth in Angela Schwindt’s quote that, “While we teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” This helps me find joy in the busy day-to-day life of raising four children. They enlighten me about God’s unconditional love. They remind me of the wonders of His creation. They demonstrate the Christian attribute of genuine forgiveness. They make me laugh. Daily.

Love like a Military General

Speaking of daily, every 24-hour period of parenting involves a myriad of decisions, from routine to food to discipline to school … the list is endless. It is also potentially overwhelming. When it comes to parenting, I often hear people say, “Choose your battles” like a military general. I agree. But the emphasis should be on which battles to choose, and why. I have found the idea of parenting with a spiritual “big picture” in mind, to be extremely useful. I choose to fight the battles that will serve to mould our children into people who will ultimately love and submit to the will of God. For example, if it’s a matter of obedience to reasonable authority, I believe that children need to be (lovingly) guided in learning this lesson, so that they will also be able to submit to God’s authority. The same principle applies with learning to exercise the fruits of the spirit. However, when one of my children has had a busy day and is being uncharacteristically obnoxious, then I think it’s time to demonstrate God’s love and wisdom by determining the quickest and most gracious way to get our cherub-in-disguise to bed. Tomorrow is another day!

Since having children, my life has never been the same. It has also never been so (spiritually) enriched. In the tough times, I’ve learnt how “the joy of the Lord is my strength” (Neh. 8:10). Fortunately, the good days far outweigh the bad. Through this rollercoaster of a journey, I can honestly echo the sentiments of the prophet, Jeremiah, in Lamentations 3:22 and 23:

“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.”

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March 15, 2018
Teaching Kids to Carry Their Cross
[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_text]By Lauren Maggs.

“Mommy, today was so hard!”

Our hearts break when we know our children are suffering. While we wish that we could simply make all the hard things disappear, we know that that is not how life works.

We know that the Christian life requires of us that we take up our cross daily and follow Jesus, enduring the suffering that comes with life in this world, following our master.

23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”
Luke 9:23

How can we help our children understand that trials are not surprise but part of the Christian life? How do we best equip them to turn to Jesus in the midst of trials and not away from him?

1. Help them read the Bible

The Bible gives us a realistic expectation of the Christian life. We should let God’s Word inform our children on what the Christian life looks like. Let them read the Gospels, Acts and letters like 1 Peter to help shape their worldview. 8 and 9 year olds can be reading the Bible for themselves so let’s encourage them to do that. We can help them by getting them a Bible in a easy-to-read translation like the New International Readers Version or the New Living Translation.

2. Be honest about your own trials

We should never put unnecessary burdens on our children by causing them to worry about us. However, God gives our children our lives as an example and a training tool. We should allow our children to watch us live for God during hard times.

Perhaps a good way to employ this is to tell your children about answers to prayer after you have had, after you come through a hard time. That way, they don’t worry that you are not ok but can they still have much evidence of God being at work.

3. Model turning to Jesus in prayer

Allow your children to see and hear you praying when you face a hard time. Show your children that prayer is how to turn to Jesus when things are difficult. When your children come to you when they are facing a hard time, let one of the first things you do with them be prayer.

If they are worried about school – pray with them.

If they are anxious before a sleepover – pray with them.

Make sure that you pray worldview-shaping things for them and with them. Don’t just pray that the hard things will go away. Pray scriptural things for them and shape their long-term thinking about trials.

Here are some of the things we can pray:
- Thank God that trials are not a surprise to Him and thank Him for faithful (1 Peter 4:12 – 19)
- Pray that our trials would produce character, perseverance and hope in us (Romans 5:3 – 5)
- Pray that God would work all things out for His glory and our good (Romans 8:28)
- Pray that we would look forward to the hope that we have as our faith is refined (1 Peter 1:3 – 9)
We cling to the words of 1 Peter 1:3 – 7 and we navigate life in this world, and help our children to do the same:

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, 5 who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed.

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August 24, 2017
How HIS Greatness Impacts Everything

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_text]By Gareth Maggs.

Isaiah 6 is a biblical text I often dwell on. Each time I think about it, I find a new reason to be blown away by the Lord. Why? This text gives us a glimpse into Isaiah’s vision where he stands before the Lord almighty. If you got a glimpse of the greatness of the Lord, wouldn’t you play it over and over in your head?

The scene must have been overwhelming! The Lord is so great that he sits above everything else (vs 2), has beautiful creatures constantly flying around him singing his praises (Vs 2 and Revelation 4:8), has a robe that fills the temple (vs 1), is covered with smoke to prevent lesser beings from gazing upon him (vs 4) and speaks with a voice that shakes the foundations (vs 4).

This scene is awesome and it has a profound impact on Isaiah. I want to explore this impact, because I believe if we truly understand this passage, it will change every moment of our lives. Here’s how

It helps us treat God like the sun, and not like the sun

It looks like I’ve made a typo above. I haven’t. We often treat God like we treat the sun. We know the earth revolves around the sun, but we speak as if it revolves around us. We call our first viewing of the sun ‘Sun rise’ and we call the last viewing of the sun ‘Sun down’. We do the same to God, we live life as if he revolves around us. We try build our own lives, our own careers, our own families and our own self-esteem. We only call upon God when we need help in achieving our own ambitions, as if his purpose is to revolve around us. To worship us.

In Isaiah 6, the first lesson Isaiah learns is perspective. He sees the grandeur of the Lord and understands that the Lord does not revolve around us. He begins to treat God like we should treat the sun. He says ‘“Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!” (ESV vs 5). Seeing God, He exchanges his own take on the world for God’s and immediately sees our biggest problem is not our daily struggles, our relationship issues, it’s not our career, nor our self-esteem, nor the poor or war; while these are important, our biggest problem is our ‘unclean lips’. Our sin.

Do you wake up with your take on the world as more important than God’s? Do you see sin as greater than your own problems? If not, then you will never see why the cross is the greatest reason we praise the Lord. You’ll be angry at God for not worshipping you by building your dream life, when he has already solved the root of your problems by being nailed to a tree. You need to get perspective. God needs to become greater, and we need to become lesser

No more fear of anything but the Lord

Last week when walking from the gym (Sorry couch, your work on my stomach had to end), I passed some pre-school boys about to get into a fight. It was one against three, yet the one showed no fear. With great pride he proclaimed to the others, ‘My dad is bigger than your dad’. Luckily a teacher came before he got beaten.

Why did he not fear? What was it about his dad that gave him confidence? After much thought, I realised that out of all the weapons he had against these bullies, dad was the most powerful. How did he know that? From his perspective dad is big, He fears him more than the bullies. In Isaiah 6 Isaiah not only sees just how great the Lord is (6vs 1 – 5), but experiences it through the Lord solving his greatest problem, his sinful nature (6vs 6 – 7). Isaiah’s response is staggering. The Lord calls Isaiah by saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? (vs 8)” and before the Lord even explains the task, Isaiah says “Here I am send me”.

Isaiah responds like this as he knows that whatever task the Lord has for him, he can do it without fear. Isaiah fears God more than anything. He has the most powerful weapon. If you have a small view of God, then you’ll accomplish little for him. He’s not a God to be feared and therefore won’t be big enough to take on your fears, leaving you to only rely on yourself. If you have a big view of God, then you can take on the world in confidence, knowing that whatever area of life he has called you to live in, you can deal with it. Your God is greater.

Not even doubt can separate us from him

This point probably fits best under point 2, but I decided to keep it separate as I think one of our biggest fears is doubt. It could be doubt in the Lord, doubt in our salvation, doubt in the ability of the Lord to lead our leaders, doubt that the world is getting better, etc. Doubt is a daily fear.

This week an event I heard about made me think. A teacher told her class that she was doubting the Lord. Immediately I thought, ‘No, you shouldn’t share that with children, what if they start doubting the Lord too?’. During that week, one of the children went home and created a promise box, filling it with verses showing how God is always faithful to his people, even when they doubted him. The next week, she gave this box to her teacher to help her in her doubt.

That teacher was not wrong in telling her class her doubts, because God is greater than our doubts. That little girl taught me that when I doubt, I need to look at all the promises he fulfilled in his word, because no matter the obstacle, no matter the unfaithfulness of the human race, God proved his greatness by always being true to his promises.

Last thoughts

I wrote this article to move us from seeing the greatness of God as something that merely wows us, to something that changes the way we do life. Seeing the Glory of the Lord made Isaiah shift his perspective and caused him to live for the Lord without fear. Our response should be the same, our only fear should be the Lord. When tempted to join unethical practices in the work place we can shout, ‘My God is greater’. When we fear the future of our country we can shout, ‘My God is greater’. When we fear the future of our children, we can shout ‘My God is Greater’. When we are afraid of the grave, we can shout, ‘My God is greater’. When we don’t think we can make it through school or university, when we worry about school fees or whether we’ll get through the month, let us proclaim at the top of our lungs, ‘My God is greater’.

He may not solve things the way want, but he has promised that he looks after his people. If our God is so great and he’s on our side, then let me ask this, “Who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31).

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August 1, 2017
Christ in the Centre of Everyday Parenting

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_text]By Roydon Frost.

I’m not sure there is any one model for parenting. It’s a bit of a fashion industry really. It’s equally hard to advocate any particular model for Christian parenting, and I think the Bible allows a great deal of freedom for different parenting styles. Still, there are certain “markers” you would expect to see, if Christ is in the centre of everyday parenting. These might be some of them:

Love (and boundaries).

Love implies boundaries. There is no tradeoff between love and discipline. Discipline is an expression of love. Love is incomplete without discipline. Our kids need to know that we are for them, the way Jesus is: embracing them as they are no matter what, but also helping them to change and grow.

Prayer and bible.

If Christ is at the centre, prayer and bible reading will be part of the rhythm of family life. Jesus is not at the centre of our family if we don’t ever speak to him, or let him speak to us. If he is, your children will hear their parents pray for them, and pray with them. They will see their parents opening the bible for a word from God. Prayer and bible reading will be as natural as making toast or hanging out the washing. If it is, it models the kind of dependence that says “this family could not function without Jesus”.

Getting caught.

Kids don’t like to get caught by their parents, but parents should be hoping against hope to get caught by their kids. When your kids “catch” you reading the bible, or praying, or talking about Jesus outside of the formal routine it is an incredibly powerful witness. Nothing says “this is real” like catching dad on his knees at the end of the bed, or overhearing mom gospel a friend on the phone. The old adage might just be true in this case: more is caught than is taught.

Taking the gap.

This mark is close to the previous one. The formal routine is the daily bread of Christian parenting, but the unplanned “event” is the gourmet meal. The conversation on the way to the hardware shop; the hard question after prayers at bedtime; the punch-up at school that opens a window into the heart for the gospel to shine – this stuff is potent. The routine, the rhythm and life together put you in a place to take these gaps as Christian parents. You need to be ready to take them.

Being ready to fail.

If you think you are not going to fail occasionally as a parent, then I’m not sure Christ is at the centre… If he is, he’s calling you to model Christian failure to your kids. A big part of that is saying you are sorry.

Saying you’re sorry.

If Christ is at the centre, you are free to humble yourself and apologise to your children. If you mean it, you would have already said it to God. If you mean it, it will come with a heartfelt desire to turn away from the sin that brought about the apology, in the power of the Spirit.

Having Christ in the centre.

Parenting with Christ in the centre only works if Christ is in the centre. Your centre. If he isn’t, nothing will be more harmful to your children than pretending he is. Religion or moralism dressed up as Christian parenting will poison your children off the gospel. Rather buy a Dr Phil book and go with that. Or infinitely better, why not invite Christ into the centre?[/fusion_text]

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July 18, 2017
Grandparents

Love at first sight…

That is what happened when I took that tiny scrap of humanity in my arms, looked at the little face and fell in love with our little Lilly. My world changed forever. That was 5 years ago, Friday 10th February 2012. I didn’t realise how much our lives would be intertwined, particularly in those early months. We bounced on the exercise ball, we walked, we laughed, we cried and, horror of horrors, I sang. That was when “doo doo my Lilly” started out followed by the biggest lot of rubbish, like “why the hell will you not go to sleep!”, all in a sing song voice. August 2014 Luke joined the family

How do you prepare emotionally for the change from parent to grandparent?

Preparing for grandparenthood was never on my agenda. Most probably because my “being a Mom’s Taxi” days carried on for over 20 years and our eldest, our daughter, was 34 when she finally went down the aisle. Even then I refrained from frustrating my daughter with endless grand child talk and just went with the flow. My mindset then was “If they have a baby, cool, if they don’t, it is also okay.”

Now one cannot imagine what it will be like before they are born, but once they are it is astounding how you fall in love with the little bundles of joy and cannot stop yourself from “fussing” over them. Once they get older, the joy of having them around to visit and sleep over makes up for the fact that your own children have left home for good.

Being GP’s has changed our mindset. It adds a new dimension to future planning. When we downsize do we move closer to one or another of our 2 Jozi children? Suddenly that dream of moving Sedgefield way doesn’t seem such a good idea.

When considering moving closer to one’s children, it is good to remember that they can upstick and be on the other side of the world in the blink of an eye. So only move if it is where YOU want to be and where you can set up your own life and your own circle of friends.

How Involved should we be in our grandchildren’s lives?

This will depend on the relationship with the parents and where they live.

We are fortunate to be a 20 minute drive from our grandchildren and have a close relationship with all 3 of our children and their spouses. We are involved in Lilly and Luke’s lives on a weekly basis. Sleepovers; once a week school run; Papa helping with DIY and Sunday afternoon teas.

We lovingly reinforce their parents discipline so that Luke & Lilly know exactly where they stand. I have only gotten into trouble once and that was when their mother discovered that it was Nana that taught them to drink the last bit of milk left in the cereal bowl straight out of the bowl. So that has now become one of Nana’s Rules. It can be done at Nan’s but not at home!

Exodus 20:12 says “Honour your mother and father, so that you may live long in the land your father has given you.” We want to help Lilly and Luke in honouring their parents. What that looks like, will change from grandchild to grandchild but we want to guide them from as early as possible. The way honour is displayed is different as phases of life changes, our children grow up and they begin to start making decisions for themselves and we evolve from the front seat driver to the passenger giving guidance whenever needed. Having an open and honest relationship with the parents of your grandchildren is the best way to avoid any conflict.

How to provide the gospel to your grandchildren

Proverbs 17:6
Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children. NIV

The point is that grandchildren are beautiful jewels that grandparents wear like strings of pearls. Chris Brauns

How to share the gospel with ones grandchildren again depends on circumstances. From our perspective, with all 3 children married, and with each (spouses included) at varying levels of Belief, there is no perfect blueprint.

One has to remember that they are your children’s children and as such, you have to respect that and not be prescriptive or confrontational.

With Luke & Lil being our first grandchildren we are on a training run and try to live by example and take our cue from their parents. The children know that we go to Church and Lil has been with us a few times. I have permission to read them stories about Jesus and the nod has been given for Lil to go to Sunday School when she is with us. We have to pray and let God guide us.

How do you best show love to your grand child?

Loving and interacting with your grandchildren is pretty much the same as what you did with your own children, only you get to do much much more of the good stuff and don’t have to worry about the day to day routine drudge. That’s Mom & Dads problem.

What are some practical things you can do when they come over?

Of course this depends on the age and what stage the grandchildren are. Being very practical hands-on people the children generally join in with what we are doingThey ride their bikes, help in the garden, play fantasy games, make tent houses with the chairs, cushions and blankets and cause total chaos when helping with the baking

Watching a grandchild go through the various stages of growth is a very rewarding, enriching experience and we are very fortunate to be able to spend so much time with these two and hopefully we will have the same with any further grandchildren that will join our family.

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June 4, 2017
Kinderjoy

Finding joy in the Lord as we raise our children

In a game of word association, the word “children” does not always evoke the word “Joy”. Sometimes the word “grief” is a better fit. Colic, reflux, lactose intolerance, snot, missing shoes, missing teeth, missing link, trips to the hospital, visits to principle, school fees, late slips, braces, broken windows, broken heart, bunking out, boyfriends, girlfriends, cigarettes, matric exams, university (or not), university fees, #feesmustfall, failure, graduation, unemployment etc. etc. etc. To the average parent this is not the stuff of joy. But it is the stuff of children. And yet when you ask most parents about children, well, “they’re a joy”. How so? Perhaps we need a biblical rethink of the meaning of joy, and the meaning of children. Here are seven ways we might do just that.

God, joy, and children.

Joy is satisfaction of the deepest, most enduring kind. And it is only, ultimately, to be found in God. Whatever else we find joy in is a conduit; a channel redirecting us to the true source of joy. So it is with children. Our joy in them can never be disconnected from our joy in Him. Joy does not reside in our children. It can only pass through them en route to God. That is the nature of the joy we can have in our children. Joy in these ways…

Joy in their coming.

Children are a gift from God, and when they arrive we should rejoice in Him. If you need help remembering that at 3am on a Tuesday, read Hannah’s prayer (1 Sam 2.1-10) or Mary’s song (Luke 1.46-56). Your child may not be Samuel or Jesus, but they are no less a gift from God or a reason to rejoice.

Joy in their growth.

We all know what it’s like when they finally get something: potty training, riding a bike, simultaneous equations – it warms our hearts. How much more cause for joy when they grow in the Lord? When they ask genuine questions about God, when they pray from the heart, when they choose self-control over revenge by hockey stick. There is joy in seeing our children “grow in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and men” (Lk 2.52).

Joy in their triumphs.

The ballet recital; the bronze medal; the learners license – cause for celebration, every one of them. But again, how much more the triumphs of character. The peacemaking, the forgiveness, the faithfulness, the humility before God and your little sister. These are the true trophies. This is where real joy is to be found.

Joy in their failings.

No-one gives out a tin cup for coming last. There are no certificates for being caught cheating on a test. But when we teach our children to suffer well, to trust in the midst of trial, then joy is still available to us. Failure is not devoid of joy, because God is not absent in failure. Christ died for our failure. When our children come to understand this, and struggle through the pain of failure with Him, this can and should be a moment of deep rejoicing.

Joy in their joy.

Can there be any greater joy for a parent than to see their children rejoicing in the Lord? I don’t imagine so. It’s a day we should all be longing, praying and parenting for.

Joy in their leaving.

This is the goal, right? I don’t just mean packed off to varsity, or the first job, or finally evicted age 45. I don’t just mean physical separation. I mean the day they transfer ultimate trust and obedience from us to their Father in heaven. That’s the goal of parenthood. They are not ours. They are His. And we want them to go home. Therein lies the joy.

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February 14, 2017