Divorce

Disclaimer from the editor: Although divorce is not something that everyone goes through, it is still worth adding it to our series on stages of life. Sadly the divorce rate globally is growing and in South Africa it is currently sitting at an average of 6% increase annually with over half our population experiencing it. It has thus become a stage of life for many, giving us good reason to add it to the series.

By Des de Fortier

In every stage in life joy can be found as this is the chief end of man, but how do we worship God in this stage of Life? Where can our joy come from? What are some of the challenges etc?

It is hard to think we can find joy in divorce as it must be one of the most traumatic experiences to go through in life.

• The death of a relationship,
• The death of a dream,
• A life without a partner
• So much responsibility as it often involves children.

Is there joy in the fact that we are now removed from a difficult marriage? Or an abusive one? Some might think it’s a simple to find joy; Just find another person and move on, relive your youth as a single person…looking to fill the whole in all the wrong places such as pubs etc.

It’s not quiet as easy. The union of marriage is a miracle from God and in there lies the biggest challenge we need to face. Ignoring this will rob us of a joy greater than the one we believe we gain from new relationships. I have tried many paths to find happiness and can truly say there is just one that brings real healing from the trauma of divorce.

Don’t place your hope in the separation divorce brings

“This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” Genesis 2:24

In Genesis 2:24 we find the main reason why a divorce is so painful. It does not say we can merrily separate and go our different ways. In marriage we become one flesh, which means separation in marriage is as bad as ripping a person in two. We believe the world will provide us with happiness as after a long period of hurt in a broken marriage, we believe:

• Happiness is somehow owed to us.
• “Surely the world will offer us this and that after divorce?”
• We think we are now single and able to enjoy the fruits the world offers.

Yet the sad reality is that it is very much the opposite! The world will make us miserable and lonelier than we can imagine. Pretty gloomy and miserable right?! Wrong! We have a hope a great hope and this hope will bring us more joy than we can ever imagine, even in times like divorce.

Set Your Priorities Right

So, where does it start? Well, let’s look at John 3:16 – 21 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life” This verse helps us to set our priorities in order. We need healing and a lot of it and who better to provide the healing than the manufacturer of the heart? The journey begins with believing, or entrusting our lives to God which provides us with eternal life. There’s a joy which comes from knowing that this world is not the end and, if you understand what the phrase ‘eternal life’ means, there’s an even greater joy.

In John 17:3, Jesus describes eternal life as knowing the Son and the Father. It’s not only about the end, but eternal life starts in this life. Eternal life is:

• A relationship with the Father and the Son?
• We can relate to the God of the universe unbeterbed by who we are,

The relationship is not based on our actions, but rather on whether we’ve entrusted our lives and troubles to God. That brings joy. This is our first priority which brings back hope.

Never Walk Alone

We cannot do this alone. We need,

• A place where we can learn, grow and find the right support as we need it.
• A place that will support us through troubled times, in doubt in ourselves or God.
• A community that will set us straight.

I have been involved in facilitating Divorce Support for a long time and am still amazed at the healing that happens when Christ becomes our focus. The restoration of marriages, the reconciliation between two parties and the ability to rebuild a life full of wonder and joy even in divorce.

There will be plenty of challenges.

• The recurrence of the pain as much as we don’t want to face it we will have to.
• Facing our ex-spouse especially when there are kids involved
• The ability to give forgiveness or gain a civil form of reconciliation .
• A financial mountain to climb.
• Depression
• Anger

These are just a few obstacles as there are many more and none of these disappear overnight. In the beginning this seems an impossibility, but once we understand it in the Love of Christ, which was God’s intention, it can be liberating.

Know that God is with you

As we go through these challenges we will learn that God is there every step of the way if we hold on to his love. Psalm 91 starts with “whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty” and verse 4 continues ” He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” What an incredible passage! Here we are promised that in God we have:

• Safety,
• A safe place to heal and grow again.

Divorce is a time of uncertainty and unknowns. It can take forever to believe there is any hope of Joy, and sometimes we will feel that the world is against us as challenges will vary in their intensity especially in divorce. The late Dr Miles Monroe said, “Divorce is just an event. It should not define who we are”. We can find our identity and a pure love in a relationship with God through the death of Christ.

Know that nothing can separate you from the Love of Christ

In closing I want to point you to another passage of hope; the ultimate hope. Romans 8: 18 – 39. Paul ends it in verses 38 – 39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Amen

So if you have ever been divorced or are going through one and wondering if you are normal or if you will ever feel normal again? Find a support group or a family who loves and lives for Christ and ask God to guide you by faith in His Son Jesus Christ. True Joy is not in what we have now, but what we gain in eternity through Christ.

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