Category: Support Groups

  • Is God Mad at me Because of my Divorce?

    By Renee Ettline, contributor to Peace After Divorce

    It is a haunting question…Is God mad at me because of divorce?
    As a Christian you know God doesn’t like divorce. You know marriage is a sacred covenant meant to last a lifetime. You married with the intention of forever but despite your best efforts it didn’t turn out that way. So the question lingers, Is God mad at me because of divorce?

    The Scarlet D
    Did you ever read the book The Scarlet Letter? In the book, the lead character had to wear a big scarlet “A” because she was an adulterer. Labeled for life, even her tombstone was marked with a scarlet “A.”
    Adultery does not have to be involved for you to feel like there’s a big “D” on your chest screaming “DIVORCED”. As a Christian who has experienced divorce, I know this can be particularly true for people of faith who are aware that God intends for marriage to last a lifetime. I never wanted to be divorced. Even so, I felt like I somehow let God down.
    One woman told me she thinks God won’t let her into heaven because she is divorced. She is wrong. Salvation is based on your acceptance of Jesus as your Saviour, not on your marital status.

    So What’s the Deal with You, God and Divorce?
    Are you wondering if God has disowned you or is mad at you because of divorce? Do you think He is more distant because your marriage fell short of His design?…KEEP READING

  • How to Pray Through your Pain

    How to Pray Through your Pain

    I am an introvert. My natural inclination when I experience pain is to be stoic and silent. I hardly uttered a sound in childbirth! The reality is that many people struggle to find words to express overwhelming feelings of distress and bottle them up instead. Many other people prefer to vent their pain outwardly…KEEP READING

  • How to Walk with a Friend who has Depression

    How to Walk with a Friend who has Depression

    Dewald Wagener has his Masters in Theology, his Honours in Pastoral Counselling and over 17 years of pastoral counselling experience. This week we interviewed him to give advice on how we as Christians can walk alongside friends and family on the road of depression. In this Podcast Dewald helps us fully understand what depression is, he helps us see how common it is and he shows that we can play an important role in our friends lives…KEEP READING

  • Music to uplift the spirit

    Music to uplift the spirit

    Nehemiah 4:20 Wherever you hear the sound of the trumpet, join us there. Our God will fight for us!

    Click Here Listen to, buy or read the lyrics to One Reason – A Collaboration

  • The Impact of Parental alienation on a Child

    The Impact of Parental alienation on a Child

    Parental alienation, although not recognised by SA law as a form of abuse as yet, is being viewed as a very serious problem. In an article by Family Law they describe the phenomena as such: “… a circumstance in which one parent deliberately or subconsciously turns their shared children against the other parent, through various means of manipulation.” (https://www.divorcelaws.co.za/parental-alienation.html, accessed 25 February 2021).

    Mat 22:37-38 we are called to love God with our whole heart and to love our neighbour as ourselves. These great commandments call Christians to best the best interest of others first before theirs, which include the children involved in the parents’ separation. Our hope and prayer is that as you read this article you will allow God to minister to your heart as well as become aware of how you can come alongside other Christians to help them see and stop parental alienation.”…KEEP READING

  • Coping Together with Anxiety – A personal account

    Coping Together with Anxiety – A personal account

    A personal account by Rene Roux as part of the Down Together Family.

    Hi, I am Rene Roux, I am 39 years old and live in the East Rand, I have been part of Christ Church Midrand now for about 10 years and with the Down Together Group for about 8 years.

    I would like to talk about Anxiety today.  I have suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember.  I’ve had numerous anxiety and panic attacks since I’ve been in primary school already where I had to be rushed to the doctor.  Unfortunately, in those days (especially in children and especially with anxiety) it was not picked up and I was purely treated with oxygen for hyperventilation and ended up going around permanently with a paper bag on me to use when I was hyperventilating.  In severe cases I even passed out from lack of oxygen when all it was, was just all caused by anxiety. Anxiety of underperforming, anxiety of not being good enough, anxiety of presenting in front of a class of students even! This was not uncommon at all.

    No one understood the pressure I was under (I was a mere child) and no one understood the pressure I put onto myself. Little did I know that this was actually a “treatable” emotion. I created bad coping mechanisms through the years as I was growing up which I regret doing now.

    9 years ago I had a severe meltdown that resulted in me landing in a mental institution (sounds harsh but it was one of the many good things that has happened to me). I was diagnosed with severe anxiety amongst other things, but during my stay at the clinic I was able to see a psychologist everyday that helped me a lot with advice on better coping mechanisms.  Also, I attended classes daily which consists of counsellors doing group sessions with us also helping with coping mechanisms and explaining why we need them. All very helpful and have changed my life going forward.  I have to admit I’ve been “in” a few times since but not because it wasn’t working but sometimes life throws a hammer at you (like when my Dad passed away last year from cancer), the counsellors and psychologists are amazing and I was lucky enough to have one that was there for me spiritually as well.

    So what is anxiety? How do you know what you are feeling might be anxiety? It is actually a natural enzyme that is set off in your primal part of your brain.  Have you ever heard of the saying “Fight, flight or freeze”?  Well that my dear friends is the brains primal response to these types of emotions. Each person handles their own emotions differently and there is no antidote to this.

    Anxiety is a feeling of uneasiness and worry, usually generalized and unfocused as an over reaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing (as quoted by Wikipedia). But what is it really? Your body has a chemical reaction from this emotion. Generally, you will feel physically uncomfortable from anxiety. Muscle stiffness from being on edge, fast or hard beating heart, tight chest and possibly change in breathing, pacing back and forth (just because you don’t know what else to do) or even rocking (like you would a child), spacing out by losing concentration as what is going on in your head is so much more important than anything else. Some people have it long term and some people might have a short panic attack.

    Now that we know what this is, lets talk about life today in general and how COVID-19 has affected us all increasing anxiety in people who normally suffers from it and people who are new to this emotion. COVID-19 has taken a huge emotional toll on all of us. Depression, anxiety, fear, anger, worry, sadness, disgust, boredom, loathing, annoyance, aggressiveness, cruelty, indignation, suffering, grief, despair, hatred (the bad list of emotions are endless – but please remember that there are good emotions too which hopefully we will all be able to see at the end of this story).

    The hardest thing about anxiety is the unknown. WHAT IF…? There is never an answer to WHAT IF except what you make out the answer to be in your head which can cause your anxiety to increase. What if I get Covid?  What if someone in my family gets Covid?  What if I lose my job because of Covid?  How am I going to pay rent and put food on the table?  What if the country runs out of rice? The WHAT IF scenarios are endless, trust me, it’s horrible, I’ve been there for a very, very long part of my life.

    Example of a recent one I had: My dogs got into a fight and the little dog got hurt. Kind of normal right? It happens? But oh no, what if the little dog died?  What if the bigger dog tasted blood and wanted more? What if that dog then killed all my other dogs? What if the dog then turned on us and hurt or kill us?  I was horrified for ages over this. I wouldn’t let any of the dogs near each other, when the family did and I heard a scuffle I would freak out!  Yes my dear friends, the WHAT IF scenario’s are very dangerous and should be stopped as soon as you find yourself doing it.

    Leave it in the Lords hands, that is where our problems belong.

    So what can we do?

    • Say a Prayer.
    • Fill our lives with His Word.
    • Close your eyes, count to 10 slowly, concentrate on each count.
    • Focus on something that is REAL (like a tree, or a stone, or an ant walking past you).
    • Calm your mind, breathe, concentrate on your breathing.
    • Meditate (haha not quite what you think, its not intergalactic, meditation is actually just calming your mind to regain inner calm), bring and focus your attention to here and now, notice the sights, sounds, smells, your chest going up and down as you are breathing.
    • Ask someone to tell you a joke or you tell a joke and make someone laugh.
    • Look up a funny meme or clip on the internet.
    • Just move your thoughts away from what it is that is troubling you.
    • Write down what is troubling you and burn that piece of paper and find the calm as you see your pain fly away as ash in the air.
    • Speak to a counsellor (many are doing consultations online to reduce covid risk)
    • A friend that can cope with your burden at the moment (ask them first as some might be struggling too and they might not have the strength to listen to you right at that moment).
    • Friends do not need to give advice, sometimes you just need someone to listen, like a sympathetic ear or a shoulder to lean on.
    • Be kind to yourself.
    • Create and maintain a routine.
    • Take time for activities you enjoy.
    • Sometimes helping someone else can also make you feel better.
    • Focus on things you can control.

     

    Everything is in God’s hands. So what can I control?

    • Stay away from negative media and posts, don’t strain yourself over what is happening in the world or South Africa – it is out of your hands and is in God’s.
    • Take precautions, think before you do something.
    • Watch you eating habits. I’m not saying go onto a strict diet, but eat healthy, it helps your immune system as well as your emotional wellbeing.
    • Exercise: just brief walks, get the air into your lungs and keep your muscles supple.
    • Most of all watch your sleeping patterns. During deep sleep is when your immune system rebuilds, and during REM sleep is when your brain files all your thoughts. Too much sleep is also not good but being on a timer is well worth it.  Bad dreams disturbing your deep sleep?  Need to bring those anxiety levels down by trying to use some of the tools.

    There are many more tools out there, these are just some of the ones that have worked for me.

  • Fighting addiction in a pandemic: Is telemedicine the key?

    Fighting addiction in a pandemic: Is telemedicine the key?

    Gabi Zietsman | Health24

    Addiction – or substance use disorder (SUD) – is a tough, exhausting fight even under normal circumstances.

    But throw a pandemic into the mix, and accessing support becomes a lot harder. Isolation has become the new reality for the world as we try to curb the spread of Covid-19, but it can become a trigger for relapses or even new addictive habits.

    “Addiction is a disease of disconnection as it isolates you from the people you love, and physical distancing contributed to addictions flourishing during lockdown,” says Adrie Vermeulen, the national coordinator for the South African National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (Sanca).

    In South Africa, certain services shut down at the start of lockdown, and those still open took no new admissions. Even hospitals couldn’t provide detox services to patients suffering from severe, potentially deadly withdrawal.

    And, to make matters worse, addiction is also considered a comorbidity for the novel coronavirus.

    What it takes to recover from addiction

    Recovering from addiction is a painful journey – and without professional support an even tougher dragon to slay.

    The recovery process is very much dependent on the type of substance abuse, how long the patient has been addicted and other underlying health and mental conditions. Mild to moderate SUD can be treated in an outpatient setting, but severe withdrawals, like from alcohol and nyaope, requires medical supervision at for example a Sanca centre.

    The physical detox can take anything from five to 15 days, but only after that does the real work begin. Rewiring the brain so that the patient doesn’t relapse can take up to 12 months with the help of psychological methods like cognitive behavioural therapy.

    “Treatment is only the first step in ‘discovering’ yourself, and the real work in ‘recovery’ starts once you leave the treatment centre,” Vermeulen says.

    “Success depends on the client’s understanding that this is a lifelong disease that they have and that they will need continued care and support to really change their lifestyle.”

    Aftercare support groups are extremely important, but in a pandemic many recovering addicts are cut off from these vital resources.

    Limited access to resources

    During just the first week of lockdown, Sanca’s WhatsApp line had 500 messages from people requesting help.

    When more Sanca centres reopened during lockdown Level 4, their inpatient admission had decreased considerably due to a fear of Covid-19 infection. Their bed capacity had also been slashed in half to adhere to physical distancing regulations.

    Prevention services were also suspended, with only social media campaigns being launched, aimed at the youth and other high-risk groups.

    And, like so many businesses, these vital centres might financially not survive the lockdown.

    “[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][Physical distancing] has had a severe effect on the income of the centres and threatens their sustainability. The centres incurred extra costs to ensure compliance with Covid-19 regulations, financially placing more strain on limited funds,” Vermeulen adds.

    One glimmer of good news, though, was that 25 temporary and established shelters across South Africa’s cities provided Sanca with the opportunity to treat nayope addicts, where withdrawal symptoms are severe.

    Impact of cigarette and alcohol bans

    But another reason people could be avoiding treatment during lockdown is that many turn to cigarettes, which are currently still banned in South Africa, to curb their cravings.

    “Although SANCA National agrees with the ban on the sales of alcohol and tobacco during lockdown by the government to protect public health and prepare the under-resourced medical services for the pandemic, we recognise that the situation is more complex than originally expected,” Vermeulen says.

    The alcohol ban also had some negative implications when it was in effect.

    “The concerns are that people with a severe alcohol use disorder were not properly warned about the lockdown and that they lacked access to treatment services and medical services to deal with severe withdrawal symptoms.”

    Is telemedicine the way forward?

    Around the world, healthcare unrelated to Covid-19 has started moving online, including certain services for former addicts.

    In the US, experts from the University of Michigan Addiction Centre and VA Ann Arbor Healthcare System reviewed how telemedicine policy changes have had a major impact on addiction care, according to an article in JAMA Psychiatry.

    They found that allowing clinicians to prescribe higher schedule medications for patients they have not seen in person through telemedicine meant they could more easily provide medicine to handle withdrawals to outpatients, especially in crisis situations.

    Telemedicine also helped break down barriers for addicts who want to kick the habit in rural areas where services are non-existent.

    However, telemedicine has some limitations. For example, it’s dependent on the patient’s access to technology, reliable, affordable connectivity, and the information needed by the healthcare professional can be tinged by patient bias. Certain bio-information may also need to be assessed by a professional via tests.

    There’s also an ethical consideration. Group therapy is an important part of addiction recovery, but they rely heavily on anonymity. This is a problem because you wouldn’t know if someone were recording a virtual group session.

    Unfortunately, South Africa is still far way from utilising telemedicine to the same extent as other parts of the world.

    Hesitance to use telemedicine

    Before the pandemic, the Health Professions Council of South Africa (HPCSA) defined telemedicine as follows:

    The practice of medicine using electronic communications, information technology or other electronic means between a healthcare practitioner in one location and a healthcare practitioner in another location for the purpose of facilitating, improving and enhancing clinical, educational and scientific healthcare and research, particularly to the under-serviced areas in the Republic of South Africa.

    A patient was, however, not permitted to consult a healthcare professional from their home virtually or via telephone.

    But with the coronavirus pandemic, regulations were relaxed, permitting telemedicine only where there was an existing patient relationship, except for psychiatrists. However, many healthcare bodies, like the South African Medical Association, opposed this, and in April the HPCSA no longer banned telemedicine outright.

    “We should, therefore, caution all practitioners that the clinical interest of the patient must be of the utmost importance when deciding on the mode of contact and that the ethical rules and guidelines of good practice as enforced by the HPCSA should guide the profession to still deliver the highest possible standard of care to the people of South Africa under these difficult circumstances,” is SAMA’s current official stance on telemedicine.

    For the South African Society of Psychiatry (SASOP), an established relationship alongside video communication is also preferred, according to its president Professor Bonginkosi ChilizaHe adds new patients should be first seen face-to-face unless crisis management is needed.

    Sanca centres had facilitated some online support during levels 4 and 5 of lockdown, including hosting Zoom meetings for self-help groups like Narcotics Anonymous, as well as providing counselling over WhatsApp.

    But Vermeulen feels it should be a supplement to treatment rather than a replacement.

    “[Telemedicine] could change how we do things, but we believe that human connection is the key to any treatment programme and that you would use technology to complement a treatment programme rather than to replace it.”

    Who you can contact to help fight addiction:

    • The Department of Social Development has a 24-hour helpline 0800 12 13 14. Alternatively, you can send an SMS to 32312 for online counselling and referrals.
    • Sanca National can be contacted on 011 892 3829, or on WhatsApp on 076 535 1701 during office hours for referral to Sanca centres for emergency treatment options.
    • Alcoholics Anonymous South Africa on 0861 435 722.
    • Narcotics Anonymous is hosting 10 Zoom sessions per week that you can join. You can phone 083 900 6962 for more information.
    • If you are not one for a 12-STEPS programme, try www.smartrecovery.org for a free online recovery programme.
    • Family members or loved ones can contact Al-anon on 0861 252 666 for guidance.
    • If people don’t have access to the internet, they can download free applications on their cellphone such as Sober Grid, Nomo-sobriety Clocks, SoberTool, WE Connect, AA Big Book and 12 STEPS Meditation Daily Reflections and Strides.

    Read the online article here[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

  • Helping Anxious Children to Trust God

    Helping Anxious Children to Trust God

    How do you respond to children who are feeling anxious and scared about the pandemic? It might be your own children, those under your care or family members. My response to the children in my care has been to reassure them. For it is normal to respond in fear towards frightening news. However, we need to remember that God is in control and he still cares about us even in this difficult time. I believe it is important that we train children to cope in difficult times. We must help children to trust God; to know who to turn to in times of trouble.

    Children today are considering fearful thoughts such as: What is going to happen to us now? Is there a way of preventing this virus from spreading? What if I get infected? What about my friends? Are my family safe? Does God care? But whatever the questions, most children are scared. The reality is that any frightening news affects the young in ways similar to the old. Children are acutely aware of what is happening around them. This can be overwhelming.

    Read more…

  • Breakup, Separation, and Divorce During COVID-19

    Breakup, Separation, and Divorce During COVID-19

    Unprecedented times call for unprecedented support.

    By Erin Leonard Ph.D. on Psychology Today

    Several clients and a close friend are going through a breakup, separation, or divorce. These life-altering events are incredibly painful during normal circumstances—but even more agonizing during a pandemic.

    “I don’t have a right to feel sad when people are dying” is a sentiment I hear from many grief-stricken clients impacted by an issue unrelated to the virus. They feel guilty asking for support. Yet one heartbreak does not compare to another, and each needs attention.

    Many devastated individuals are home alone. Online communication may be their only connection to the outside world. Yet online correspondence is intricately linked to social media. This may increase the possibility that they stumble across an ex’s post with someone new. “I can’t get away from it,” says a client of mine who is struggling with a separation. Dealing with heartache is difficult, and feeling inhibited from asking for support may intensify the feelings of isolation.

    Often a person’s support network is intertwined with a partner’s, so during a breakup, separation, or divorce, the loss of these relationships hurts. Distress about who is “appropriate” to contact is painful and may compound the loss.

    Also, the loss of future plans with a partner is a painful element of a breakup or divorce, made more difficult by the current state of global affairs. “We were going to relocate to Colorado to be closer to family,” a client tearfully explained in session. The intensity of the unknown regarding the future is overwhelming, and facing what lies ahead alone may be terrifying.

    A common coping mechanism during a breakup or divorce is “getting out there.” Going out with friends, getting a massage, or engaging in retail therapy are helpful distractions. Currently, many of these activities are not available. Attempting to move on may also be complicated because face-to-face contact is limited. Pursuing a new relationship and creating new memories is an important component of recovering from a past relationship, but it is almost impossible during the quarantine.

    Five ways you can support a friend during a break-up

    Supporting the broken-hearted during COVID-19 is critical. There are five things a person can do to support a friend or loved one in the throes of heartbreak

    First, listen with an open heart. Refrain from telling him or her what to do and simply listen. Abstain from judgment or advice and attempt to empathize by honoring how the friend feels.

    For example,

    • “You are hurt. I would be too. What happened is not OK.”
    • “You are mad at yourself for wanting her/him back. I get it. It’s confusing.”
    • “You feel thrown away like you don’t matter. I understand. It’s an awful feeling.”

    Listening to the friend’s feelings as he or she talks may be more effective than immediately offering advice. When a friend feels understood, he or she feels less alone and more connected to the person who understands. This allows him or her to feel close to the supportive person and more comfortable reaching out in the future.

    Read this story online

    DIVORCE CARE PROGRAMME AT CHRIST CHURCH MIDRAND

    At Christ Church Midrand, we believe that it is impossible to find healing from this painful experience without Christ.  If you would like more information, or would like to speak to someone, please email supportgroups@christchurchmidrand.co.za

    Watch this video on the loss of the dream and how Christ heals shattered dreams: https://web.facebook.com/watch/?v=444796349348188

  • Coping Together

    Coping Together

    DOs and Don’ts from Down Together

    When we battle Bi-polar or Depression, we encounter strong emotions that can overwhelm us. Even if you do not battle with these, we all from time to time encounter strong negative thoughts or emotions. There are different ways to help you calm down as well as allow you to take your thoughts and emotions captive for God’s glory (Col 3:1-4).

    Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

    Below you will find different tips on how to do this when you are struggling with being overwhelmed by any negative thoughts or emotions.

    This is a consolidated list of the contributions received from the Down Together Group:

    DOs

    • Prayer – have conversations with your Father who loves you and sees your struggle to you. Remembering who He is helps put things into perspective.
    • Close eyes and count to 10.
    • Focus on the present – Mindfulness.
    • Meditate on God’s Word.
    • Humour (laugh).
    • Entertainment (watch a movie or programme) that you enjoy.
    • Engage in activities that counter the negative emotional feelings being experienced, i.e. should one experience low mood or negative emotional episode, e.g. anxiety, perform an activity that is pleasurable or stimulating during this time. One example is colouring; there are adult colouring books available.
    • Journaling (write down your thoughts, and review over time the destructive (negative) and positive thoughts) so that focus can be made on eliminating the destructive thoughts and reinforce positive thought patterns.
    • Elicit the support of friends/family and confide in “safe” people close to you that you completely trust.
    • Counselling – during this time, “virtual”, online counselling sessions are available for people should this be required.
    • Know and engage with “Spiritual Family”, i.e. church, etc. Elicit support from and offer to help others in the church family.
    • Keeping a routine helps to create a feeling of control in sometime uncontrollable seasons.
    • Be of service to others, i.e. selflessness; giving and helping others is highly rewarding, and negates negative or depressing effects of self-centredness.
    • Focus on things that can be controlled.
    • Engage in healthy sleep patterns.
    • Gratitude for what we have – others are far worse off than us.
    • Contentment – count what we have received as a blessing even if we have not achieved, received what we want.
    • Emotional self-awareness: recognising and understanding one’s own emotions. It helps to know how one’s emotions affect their behaviour, decisions and performance.
    • Fleeing untenable situations that be may causing the anxiety, fear, depression, etc (flight).
    • Brush up on Conflict Management skills.

    Don’ts

    • Stay away from negative / unhelpful media.
    • Do not concern yourself with events that you cannot control.
    • Selfishness and self-centredness: Do not think of yourself only; think of others as well, and be others-centred.
     This is a consolidated list of the contributions received from the Down Together Group.