By Martin Morrison
Christopher Ash wisely says the following, “It is hard to keep God out of sex. Carl Jung once remarked that when people brought sexual questions to him, they invariably turned out to be religious, and when they brought religious questions to him, they always turned out to be sexual. No doubt this is an exaggeration, but it is hard to keep God out of sex”.
In Ian McEwan’s harrowing novel Atonement (shortlisted for the Booker Prize in 2001), there is a defining moment in which the lovers Robbie and Cecilia first make love in the modern sense of sexual union and in the older sense of declaration in word. At the moment of words, the author comments, “Robbie had no religious belief, but it was impossible not to think of an invisible presence or witness in the room, and that these words spoken aloud were like signatures on an unseen contract”. In a haunting novel almost devoid of grace and remote from true atonement, this “religious” moment shines like a beacon from beyond. Sex with love and (in this novel) followed by costly faithfulness is imbued with a deep significance.
We cannot think seriously about sex without the unseen presence of God. Whatever our histories or beliefs we want to be able to feel that our actions have been justifiable and defensible, “in the sight of heaven”. We are right to want to think this, for sex is significant. Sex cannot be understood, primarily as a self-contained physical act. It cannot be understood purely in terms of human relationships. It can only be understood as a part of the great story of men, women and God.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed”. Genesis 2:24 – 25.
Go to any Christian bookstore and browse the section on marriage and you will find lots of books for engaged couples, books on how to be a better husband or better wife, lots of titles on parenthood. Those are important issues, but they do tend to emphasize the inward-looking side of marriage, while ignoring the outward-looking aspects. We have privatised and individualised marriage, and forgotten that God ordained marriage as a cornerstone of society and community. We have tended to talk about marriage as a personal commitment rather than as a foundational relationship for the good and safety of all people.
Genesis 2:24 – 25 affirms a number of key principles.
Firstly, the first human relationship ordained by God for the good of society is not your work colleagues, or class of students or a soccer team, or even being a parent, but a marriage. One man, one woman, for one life, to the exclusion of all others.
Secondly, marriage was instituted by God from the very beginning and hard-wired into human society. It is part of the natural order of things. Fish swim in water, beasts walk in the fields, birds fly in the air, and men and women marry. It is not something that slowly developed over time or was devised by human thinking. It has been part of human life from the beginning.
Thirdly, marriage was established to fulfil the creation mandate, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion…”, Genesis 1:28. Adam and Eve were given jobs to do. They were told to fill the earth, to steward the earth’s resources, to have authority over creatures and to labour in the garden. In other words, they were expected to work and be productive. In Genesis 2:15 we read that God put man in the Garden of Eden to work it, and take care of it. Then God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him”, Genesis 2:18. The Hebrew word fit literally means “like opposite him”, like him but opposite of him – a description of the complementary characteristics of men and women.
“Marriage is instituted by God so that human beings can fulfil the creation mandate. Marriage is necessary to help the human race do the jobs it is meant to do; to work, to be stewards of creation, to have children and to raise them to be productive. Marriage is foundational to all this human activity”. Mike Judge, The Christian Institute.
In our western world, this kind of thinking was generally accepted by most people until the last fifty to sixty years. As recently as 1996, President Clinton signed into law The Personal Responsibility Act of 1996 or commonly called The Welfare Reform Act. The major reason for this Act was the exponential growth in welfare recipients following various welfare programmes from the 1960’s, and that many of these programmes encouraged greater numbers of non- marital families with all their attendant dependencies on the welfare state. Overwhelming evidence was provided to Congress, that the impact of the current welfare system hugely increased non-marital pregnancies, child abuse and sexually transmitted diseases.
The result was quite remarkable and almost unbelievable to our present cultural climate! Congress made the following findings:
a) Marriage is the foundation of a successful society
b) Marriage is an essential institution of a successful society which promotes the interests of children.
c) The promotion of responsible fatherhood and motherhood is integral to successful child rearing and the well-being of children.
The growing trend that cohabitation before marriage is a wise and prudent way to find out whether you are compatible, a so-called trial before entering marriage, is a false concept. Evidence from various sources, show that the divorce rate has been significantly higher for couples who have cohabited before marriage, than for those who have not.
Recent research has shown that children born to a cohabiting couple are twice more likely than those born to a married couple, to experience family breakdown. Children who have suffered family breakdown and consequently live in one parent homes, are significantly more likely to experience domestic violence, economic deprivation, academic failure and serious psychological problems. Similarly with divorce, even ten years after the divorce of their parents, children felt less protected, less cared for, less comforted than children in intact families. Significantly, children of divorce are much more likely to divorce themselves. These, of course, are averages. There are shining exceptions, but the averages cannot be denied.
Fourthly, Genesis 2:24 – 25 teaches us that marriage is universal. There are certain things that are only meant for Christians. Such as the Lord’s Supper or Christian Baptism. These are not for all people, but only for God’s people. But there are other things in the Bible that are meant for all people everywhere, throughout time. The unlawfulness of murder is meant for everyone. You do not have to be a Christian to believe that murder is wrong. The unlawfulness of lying is universal, not only for Christians. Some things are universal. They are part of the nature of things. Theologians call this natural law.
Marriage is universal. It is part of the nature of things. Marriage is not something peculiar to Christians. It is what theologians call the creation ordinance. Throughout history and throughout cultures it is universal. Yes, it has at times come under attack. Yes, there have been times when it has been distorted and twisted. But generally speaking, ever since the world began men and women have been committing themselves to each other in lifelong marriages.
It is important that we recognize that marriage is universal, because some Christians fall into the trap of thinking that marriage is just a Christian institution. This means that we should not accept the false divide between civil marriage and religious marriage. Some say, let the state define civil marriage if it wants to, and we will keep quiet, as long as those of us who are religious, can practise our own religious marriages. This is incorrect. Marriage is universal, it cannot be split into civil and religious lines. There is only one definition of marriage, namely one man, one woman, together for life, to the exclusion of all others. The definition stands, whether the ceremony is civil or religious. Just as murder is universally wrong, so marriage is universally right.
For further reading: Marriage: Sex in the Service of God, Christopher Ash; The Biblical Basis of Marriage, Mike Judge, The Christian Institute; How the West Really Lost God, Mary Eberstadt.