By Martin Morrison
“Regrets are the natural property of gray hairs”, so said Charles Dickens. It is certainly true that older people have lived longer and therefore have more to regret. However, I read in TIME magazine that people in their twenties are going through midlife crises!
Paul Tripp reminds us that whatever your age or station in life, you will look back with regret at some of the events and decisions in your life. Midlife at 20 or 40 or 60 means that the leaves of the trees are off and there is no putting them back. The world won’t reverse on its axis. Clocks won’t turn back. The game cannot be replayed. You cannot delete that decision or that conversation, however much you would like to. You wish you could rewrite the script of that relationship, but you cannot. Whatever your age, we all live in a place called regret. Behind every regret is a longing for a better place.
Perhaps for years, you have convinced yourself that the problem isn’t you. Because we live in a fallen world, there are plenty of things and people who we can blame for our mistakes and failures. You have always been able to distort reality and convince yourself that the problem is with others. Your parents never really understood you; your spouse isn’t on the same wavelength; your colleagues are vindictive. You’ve convinced yourself that you are a victim of an unfair world. You’ve convinced yourself that the problem is outside of you.
Regret will only bear good fruit if we realize that God can use regret to break down our delusions of grandeur, our self-righteousness. If you are a believer, then God has replaced your heart of stone with a heart of flesh. Not only has he placed his Spirit within you, but he has sharpened your God-given conscience. Regret can often be your God-given, God-sharpened conscience reminding you of your sin and self-righteousness.
When your conscience gives birth to those regrets, they correctly remind you that the problem is not out there but in here. They correctly remind you of your culpability. You do have a choice. You can either revert to same-old, same-old self-justification, that makes what is wrong acceptable to your conscience. Or you can find heart relief.
“If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” 1 John 1: 8 – 9.
I cannot state it better than Paul Tripp,
“What is confession? It is the freedom to say about yourself what both you and God know is true, without fear of rejection, condemnation, or punishment. Confession is more than an obligation; it is one of the wonderful freedoms of our new life in Christ. Because of Christ’s substitutionary death on the cross, you and I can come out of hiding. We are free to own up to, without fear, the darkest of our thoughts and motives, the ugliest of our words, our most selfish choices, and our most rebellious and unloving actions. We are freed from our bondage and shame. We are free from hiding behind accusation, blame, recriminations and rationalizations. Confession is powerful and effective. It turns guilt into forgiveness. It turns regret into hope. It turns slavery into freedom”.
The longing of regret can remind you of that place where regret has been replaced by forgiveness; regret has been replaced by freedom; regret has brought change and hope and joy. That place is actually not a place. That place is a person. And that person is called Jesus. “Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest”. Matthew 11:28.