Category: Linda Ritchie

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_text]By Linda Ritchie.

I struggle with forgiveness. In fact, I sometimes find it difficult to forgive. If you’re fortunate enough to forgive easily, then there’s no need to read any further. In fact, if you find forgiveness easy, please could we meet for coffee – on me – so that you can share how you manage it? However, if you share my struggle with forgiveness, please read on.

Let me clarify the type of forgiveness I struggle with. I don’t struggle to forgive those minor issues that cause a momentary bump in the road of life, like when a fellow shopper pushes her trolley into the back of your heel; your child refuses to try the supper that you’ve slaved over for the past three hours or your work-weary husband fails to notice your new hair-cut the second he arrives home. I struggle to forgive intentional and repeated offences that result in potholes, diversions and, sometimes, mechanical breakdowns in the road of life. I struggle, even more, when the perpetrator of the damage shows no signs of remorse or repentance.

For the past eighteen months, I have been on a difficult journey of learning to forgive. Without divulging the details of this journey, I’d like to share with you what I’ve learnt about forgiving these life-changing types of offenses.

First, I’ve learnt that there are times when we need to forgive offenses that are not of our own making. People who are subject to all forms of abuse; bullying; discrimination are not responsible for the hurt they experience. Jesus’ crucifixion is the ultimate proof of this truth. Jesus was sinless; yet still He took the place of Barabbas – a “notorious prisoner” (Matt. 27:16) – and was crucified.

Second, we need to forgive even when the perpetrators of the offense don’t ask for forgiveness or demonstrate any signs of remorse. I really get angry when I see people who have caused great hurt going about their daily lives without any indication of the hurt they’ve caused. Laughing and joking. Carefree. As difficult as it is, I’ve learnt the importance of practising forgiveness at these times. If I don’t, I allow this anger to dominate my thinking and the results can be disastrous. Perhaps that is one of the reasons Paul instructs the Philippians (Phil. 4: 8 and 9, ESV) to think about what is true, honourable, just, pure, lovely and commendable so that “the peace of God will be with you”

Third, I’ve learnt that forgiveness is often a process. Have you ever wondered about Jesus’ answer to Peter’s question in Matthew 18:21-22?

“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 2Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times” (ESV).

While I don’t know why Jesus gave these exact numbers in His response, what these numbers do show is that forgiveness is a process and is not a once-off experience. We need to forgive, not once, not even seven times, but seventy-seven times. Forgiveness is clearly something that we have to do repeatedly. In my experience, I had to forgive on an almost weekly basis and, just when I thought the nasty incident was finally over, a new aspect of the hurt raised its proverbial ugly head, and I needed to forgive all over again.

Despite these struggles with forgiveness, I find it comforting to remember that God understands the experience of forgiving people who hurt and victimise the innocent. This is crystal clear when Jesus, on the cross, cried out, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34, ESV).
“Lord, please help me to forgive.” This has been my regular prayer for a while now. I take great comfort in knowing that God understands my pain and longs to help me with this process. I pray that you may experience the same comfort from turning to God in your own journeys of forgiveness.
I pray, too, that you may experience God’s “peace that surpasses all understanding” (Phil. 4:7, ESV) in these times.

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[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_text]By Linda Ritchie.

I have had the (many call it “questionable”) privilege of teaching teenagers for the past six years. That amounts to approximately four hours a day, five days a week, 40 weeks per year – about 4 800 hours in the company of 12-18 year olds. I’m always amused by the comments I receive when people discover that I teach in a high school. Comments like: “I don’t know how you could teach teenagers – they scare me!” However, this on-the-job experience has allowed me to experience a different, and far more positive, perspective of teenagers.

Let me clarify up front that it’s definitely not my intention to paint an unrealistically rosy picture of this particular sector of the population. Teenagers are often labelled as obsessed with labels; addicted to social media; lazy; self-centred. And let’s face it, these stereotypes certainly hold true for some teenagers some of the time. (Then again, all of these labels are also true for some adults some of the time!) But, as we’re talking about clichés, we can’t and shouldn’t “paint all teenagers with the same brush”.

In fact, almost every day I have the humbling experience of seeing teenagers make a positive impact in their worlds. I watch young men and women voluntarily picking up litter and helping at Kitty and Puppy Haven. I notice teenagers in tears about abandoned babies and wearing ribbons in support of a school that suffered a terrible tragedy. I observe matric students making time to mentor and pray for young Grade 7’s. These young people are heeding Paul’s instruction to “let no one despise you for your youth, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity” (1 Tim. 4:12, ESV).

Therefore, I believe that we do teenagers a great injustice by only viewing them through a stereotypical lens. These half-child half-adults are actually a wonderful combination of child-like perspective – that enables them to see the world as it truly is – and a belief that they have the ability to make a difference. For teenagers, the world is their oyster and they are the pearl makers.

The question is: can we do anything to enhance this positive side of teenagers? I believe the answer is “yes”. And the change begins with acknowledging the unique life-stage in which teenagers find themselves. Teenagers are transitioning from children (who are completely dependent on their parents for almost everything) to independent young adults. This change is a process. It needs practice and it certainly does not happen overnight.

I’m no expert on teenagers, but from working with hundreds of teenagers, here’s what I believe teenagers need from us to help them make this significant life-transition successfully.

Demonstrate Christ-like love

First, teenagers need to be assured of our unconditional love. The teenage years are largely characterised by identity-formation and accompanied by immense peer-pressure. During these often turbulent years, teenagers need to know that we love and accept them unconditionally. As trying as the circumstances can be! When pushed to the limits, we need to take a deep breath and ask God to help us demonstrate the type of love described in 1 Corinthians 13.

Get to Know Teenagers’ Worlds

Second, we need to learn what is going on in teenagers’ lives. When teenagers are confident that our interactions with them stem from a place of love, they feel more comfortable with expressing what is really going on in their lives – and not what they think we want to hear! Just as God, our loving Heavenly father, wants us to communicate with Him “without ceasing” (1 Thes. 5:17, ESV), we need to encourage teenagers to share their lives with us. After all, the generation gap is a very real thing. The world in which teenagers live today is significantly different to our experiences as teenagers 10, 20 (and more) years ago! Think about it, some of the main stressors in teenagers’ lives are linked to technology – something which didn’t even exist when some of us were teenagers. This gap makes the need to listen to teenagers and really “hear” their experiences and the choices with which they are confronted, even more important.

Decide which Choices to Allow and which to Veto

Third, from a place of love and knowledge of the realities of teenagers’ lives, we are better equipped to discern which choices to allow them to make for themselves and which choices to veto. We need to allow teenagers to make the choices that will teach them positive life-lessons, like learning that a late submission of an assignment results in a mark penalty. Equally, we need to intervene in decisions that have potentially life-destroying consequences, such as the use of harmful substances (to cite the obvious).

Apologise When We Fail

Ouch! None of us enjoys acknowledging our mistakes, but the Bible instructs us to: “Confess your sins to one another” (Jam. 5:16, ESV). Teenagers don’t need us to be perfect but they do need us to model integrity. The uncomfortable practice of admitting we made a mistake models for teenagers the principle of honest confession taught in the Bible (1 John 1:8-10. ESV). It gives them the freedom to take risks and make mistakes. It shows them what humility looks like in relationships and teaches them that cleansing only comes through owning up to sin.

Guide and Discipline in Love

Unconditional love does not equate with unconditional acceptance of all behaviours. God is the perfect example of this: “For the Lord disciplines the one he loves” (Heb. 12:6, ESV). The world – and today’s world in particular – is a frightening place that celebrates many types of liberties and often contradicts the teachings of the Bible. Now, more than ever, teenagers need boundaries and the consequences of transgressing these boundaries.

However, discipline should fulfil three criteria: it should be fair, preceded by a warning of the consequences that will follow particular behaviours and administered in love. I have found that teenagers are generally accepting and respectful of discipline when these criteria are met. Perhaps counter-intuitively, the reinforcement of the promised consequences serves to make teenagers feel more loved and secure, because we have been true to our words. They value our consistency.

I firmly believe that there is far more to teenagers than common stereotypes and perceptions suggest. In fact, any relationship with teenagers has the potential to be mutually beneficial: we can use our life experiences to mentor and guide them and they can use their lack of life experience to show us the potential in the world around us. As Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (ESV).

There is a different and positive side to teenagers. I can vouch for that and I’d so love for more people to experience it.

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[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_text]By Linda Ritchie.

A funny thing happens when I walk into my English classroom; everyone – me included – assumes that I am there to teach the students. However, the exact opposite is true. For the past six years, I have passionately imparted my love for literature to many teenagers – some happy to be there and others distinctly less so. During this time, I’ve been deeply humbled to realise that my students are actually there to teach me. Not specifically in the areas of grammar and Gatsby (although this has certainly happened). Rather, these unique students have shown me what it means to be an academic success IN GOD’S EYES. I owe these discoveries to them.

The world tells us that academic success is synonymous with academic excellence, sporting success includes wearing the top team’s jersey and cultural success equates to getting the lead role in the drama production. All of these achievements are certainly praiseworthy – for the select few who are able to achieve them.  However, these yardsticks for success are based on two erroneous assumptions: first, you can only be a success if you are a top achiever in a given field and second, all people are created with equal ability and opportunity.

This is where I believe that we, as Christians, need to transform our thinking. I’m sure that most of us are familiar with Paul’s instruction in Romans 12:1 and 2:

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

The Bible is very clear that God delights in us, His creation – “And God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good” (Gen. 1:31). However, God’s Word never says that we are all created with the same abilities. In fact, the Bible emphasises that God gave us all different aptitudes: “But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift” (Eph. 4:7). Earlier in the same passage, Paul instructs the Ephesians to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, … eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4: 2 and 3). God clearly gave us different talents to strengthen us as a community, not to divide us into the “successful” and the “unsuccessful”.

Based on this understanding, how should we renew our thinking on academic success in the classroom?  As an English teacher, I have learnt that every child is able to improve in my subject, but not every child is able to achieve a distinction. When I came to this realisation, I started to emphasise improvement, rather than academic excellence, in my class. I keep a record of each student’s mark for the first test of the year, compare that result with subsequent tests, and award any student who improves by five percent with a small treat, ten percent improvement receives two treats, and so on. We have a celebratory award ceremony in the class and (I hope) the students feel acknowledged for their improvements.

What does this transformation in thinking mean for us, as parents? I believe we need to focus on God’s instruction in Colossians 3:23: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters” (NIV). We should encourage our children to work their hardest and achieve THEIR personal best in every academic endeavour. A personal best for some children may be 60 percent, while for others it may be 85 percent. This is largely due to the fact that today’s examinations are very different to the “old days” when examinations mainly tested a student’s ability to regurgitate memorised facts. Up to 40% of today’s examinations can be based on students’ ability to apply their knowledge to new material. I have found that the correlation between knowledge and successful application is closely linked to God-given ability. As a result, a person can study extremely hard and receive a lower mark than a person who did half the work, but has a more natural talent for the subject.

I’ll use my own experience to illustrate this point. I love poetry and God has given me a natural aptitude for it. Not so for many of my students, for whom unseen poetry is the equivalent of reading a foreign language. Now, put a Maths Investigation in front of me and I am lost. Useless. In the eyes of the world, a failure. Do you see my point? As parents, we need to understand that each child has unique strengths and weaknesses. The same is true for adults. I can’t cook, for example, while my husband is a gourmet chef – everybody accepts that reality (although, I’m sure my children wish that it wasn’t true!). If we recognise this truth for adults, why do we expect our children to excel at everything? I think Einstein expressed this concept brilliantly: “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”  As parents, we should and must expect the best possible effort from our children, as this is God-honouring and indicative of academic success.

As we renew our thinking on academic success, let’s focus on Jesus – our role model for success in every aspect of life:

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