HACKED BY NESAS_0DAY

Category: Divorce

  • Is God Mad at me Because of my Divorce?

    By Renee Ettline, contributor to Peace After Divorce

    It is a haunting question…Is God mad at me because of divorce?
    As a Christian you know God doesn’t like divorce. You know marriage is a sacred covenant meant to last a lifetime. You married with the intention of forever but despite your best efforts it didn’t turn out that way. So the question lingers, Is God mad at me because of divorce?

    The Scarlet D
    Did you ever read the book The Scarlet Letter? In the book, the lead character had to wear a big scarlet “A” because she was an adulterer. Labeled for life, even her tombstone was marked with a scarlet “A.”
    Adultery does not have to be involved for you to feel like there’s a big “D” on your chest screaming “DIVORCED”. As a Christian who has experienced divorce, I know this can be particularly true for people of faith who are aware that God intends for marriage to last a lifetime. I never wanted to be divorced. Even so, I felt like I somehow let God down.
    One woman told me she thinks God won’t let her into heaven because she is divorced. She is wrong. Salvation is based on your acceptance of Jesus as your Saviour, not on your marital status.

    So What’s the Deal with You, God and Divorce?
    Are you wondering if God has disowned you or is mad at you because of divorce? Do you think He is more distant because your marriage fell short of His design?…KEEP READING

  • The Impact of Parental alienation on a Child

    The Impact of Parental alienation on a Child

    Parental alienation, although not recognised by SA law as a form of abuse as yet, is being viewed as a very serious problem. In an article by Family Law they describe the phenomena as such: “… a circumstance in which one parent deliberately or subconsciously turns their shared children against the other parent, through various means of manipulation.” (https://www.divorcelaws.co.za/parental-alienation.html, accessed 25 February 2021).

    Mat 22:37-38 we are called to love God with our whole heart and to love our neighbour as ourselves. These great commandments call Christians to best the best interest of others first before theirs, which include the children involved in the parents’ separation. Our hope and prayer is that as you read this article you will allow God to minister to your heart as well as become aware of how you can come alongside other Christians to help them see and stop parental alienation.”…KEEP READING

  • God Has a Purpose for Your Painful Divorce

    God Has a Purpose for Your Painful Divorce

    By Jen Grice, Contributing Writer at Crosswalk

    I spent hours with my face to the floor, at church and at home, begging God to save my marriage. I wanted to overcome the statistics and prove to my critics that I could in fact stay married, through the good and the bad. Even if there was a lot of the bad.

    Day in and day out, I searched my Bible for the hope and the peace I so desperately craved. I wanted to know there was purpose for all the pain I’d experienced; that all of my efforts weren’t in vain. And I hoped that because God hated divorce that I’d never have to experience it myself.

    For more than a decade, I was doing CPR, trying to breathe life into my marriage, while losing myself in the process. My life’s purpose had become saving something that God never intended to save. But that deep dependence on Him became my only source of peace and hope, even with my body and marriage failing.

    In 2013, after finding out about another affair, God said it was time to stop providing my marriage’s pulse and allow Him to pave the path forward, His way. It was then that I gave Him my complete surrender, no matter if that meant I’d be married or divorced in the end. God had other plans for my life and I was finally ready to accept that.

    “You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.” – Proverbs 19:21 NLT

    God has a purpose for pain and suffering. Your divorce has a purpose too.

    1. To bring you closer to Him.

    You can argue that God would never plan for any divorce or any of the pain that comes with it. But God allows pain to bring about a greater good for His people. God told Moses to move His people out of Egypt into the desert. After a short period of rejoicing, they started to feel the pain of desert living when they’d been used to life of abundance in Egypt.

    In their pain they learned that they had to depend on God for everything. Similarly, I had to learn to depend on God, which brought me closer to Him. Every single day God uses sin and destruction in this world to bring His children closer to Him. It’s in the good and abundant times, just like the Israelites, that we often forget how much we still need God every single day.

    We often feel closest to God in the painful trials of life. But even after the pain has diminished and you start to heal, God hopes that that relationship will be just as valuable as it was in the beginning stages. He wants all humans to first love Him and have a close personal relationship with Him. Second, He asks that we love others with the same love that He loves us. That’s our purpose and that’s our ministry.

    When we surrender our will to His and accept His redeeming grace, then we can be used to further the Kingdom. Yes, even us divorced women.

    1. To heal you and redeem your life.

    “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer.” – 2 Corinthians 1:4-6 NLT

    It wasn’t until after my divorce, as I worked through my own healing, that I was able to see how God had laid the framework for me to do the ministry that I do today. I think back to my fourth grade teacher, who pushed me and encouraged me to start writing, the college professor who encouraged me to start a blog, and so many other experiences, even the heartache of my divorce, were just pieces to the bigger puzzle. The masterpiece of purpose that God is creating out of the pieces of our entire life.

    In keeping God at the center of my life am I able to continue with the ministry and the purpose that He has given me.

    “Redemptive suffering is when you go through a problem or a pain for the benefit of others.” – Rick Warren

    1. To use you to share hope with others who are suffering.

    We may think that only those who go into a “true ministry” – pastors, missionaries, or those who form a non-profit – are called into a purpose. But we were all given a purpose when we were created. It has been with us all along, even in our youth. Each day has been one more step towards God’s reason for your existence, for your trials, and even for your divorce.

    God uses the hurting to help the hurting. He uses the redeemed to help redeem. God used divorced women during my darkest days, early in my divorce healing, to give me hope that I too would survive this divorce… and maybe even thrive someday.

    Every day women need to hear that I have been through a divorce, I’ve healed, and I’m thriving on the other side sharing this hope and healing with them. Someone you meet is going to need to hear that you too have been through a divorce. Seeing how your life is better now, what it took to get through the healing process, and that you’re doing well, which will give someone hope, needed to keep moving forward in her own divorce healing journey.

    Some divorced women write books, some speak, some create redemptive music, and others start support groups or Bible studies in their neighborhood for single mothers. We all can find some way to give purpose to our pain after a time of healing. I believe God can use your divorce just as much as He can use marriage. Even just meeting with a newly separated woman to share your hope, will bring light and love into her world, when all seems dark.

    Whatever God’s purpose is for you, do it to shine a light into the dark places of pain, hurt, struggles, and divorce. Your purpose may look very different than mine, and mine different from yours, but we all can be used in distinct ways to comfort others in their times of troubles and use our purpose to benefit the Kingdom.

    Keep God close and He will walk with you as you search for the purpose of your divorce. It’s not by our own strength that we’re able to fulfill our God-purpose but by the God strength and power that is living within us.

    Read the online article here

    DIVORCE CARE PROGRAMME AT CHRIST CHURCH MIDRAND

    At Christ Church Midrand, we believe that it is impossible to find healing from this painful experience without Christ.  If you would like more information, or would like to speak to someone, please email supportgroups@christchurchmidrand.co.za

    Watch this video on the loss of the dream and how Christ heals shattered dreams: https://web.facebook.com/watch/?v=444796349348188

  • Breakup, Separation, and Divorce During COVID-19

    Breakup, Separation, and Divorce During COVID-19

    Unprecedented times call for unprecedented support.

    By Erin Leonard Ph.D. on Psychology Today

    Several clients and a close friend are going through a breakup, separation, or divorce. These life-altering events are incredibly painful during normal circumstances—but even more agonizing during a pandemic.

    “I don’t have a right to feel sad when people are dying” is a sentiment I hear from many grief-stricken clients impacted by an issue unrelated to the virus. They feel guilty asking for support. Yet one heartbreak does not compare to another, and each needs attention.

    Many devastated individuals are home alone. Online communication may be their only connection to the outside world. Yet online correspondence is intricately linked to social media. This may increase the possibility that they stumble across an ex’s post with someone new. “I can’t get away from it,” says a client of mine who is struggling with a separation. Dealing with heartache is difficult, and feeling inhibited from asking for support may intensify the feelings of isolation.

    Often a person’s support network is intertwined with a partner’s, so during a breakup, separation, or divorce, the loss of these relationships hurts. Distress about who is “appropriate” to contact is painful and may compound the loss.

    Also, the loss of future plans with a partner is a painful element of a breakup or divorce, made more difficult by the current state of global affairs. “We were going to relocate to Colorado to be closer to family,” a client tearfully explained in session. The intensity of the unknown regarding the future is overwhelming, and facing what lies ahead alone may be terrifying.

    A common coping mechanism during a breakup or divorce is “getting out there.” Going out with friends, getting a massage, or engaging in retail therapy are helpful distractions. Currently, many of these activities are not available. Attempting to move on may also be complicated because face-to-face contact is limited. Pursuing a new relationship and creating new memories is an important component of recovering from a past relationship, but it is almost impossible during the quarantine.

    Five ways you can support a friend during a break-up

    Supporting the broken-hearted during COVID-19 is critical. There are five things a person can do to support a friend or loved one in the throes of heartbreak

    First, listen with an open heart. Refrain from telling him or her what to do and simply listen. Abstain from judgment or advice and attempt to empathize by honoring how the friend feels.

    For example,

    • “You are hurt. I would be too. What happened is not OK.”
    • “You are mad at yourself for wanting her/him back. I get it. It’s confusing.”
    • “You feel thrown away like you don’t matter. I understand. It’s an awful feeling.”

    Listening to the friend’s feelings as he or she talks may be more effective than immediately offering advice. When a friend feels understood, he or she feels less alone and more connected to the person who understands. This allows him or her to feel close to the supportive person and more comfortable reaching out in the future.

    Read this story online

    DIVORCE CARE PROGRAMME AT CHRIST CHURCH MIDRAND

    At Christ Church Midrand, we believe that it is impossible to find healing from this painful experience without Christ.  If you would like more information, or would like to speak to someone, please email supportgroups@christchurchmidrand.co.za

    Watch this video on the loss of the dream and how Christ heals shattered dreams: https://web.facebook.com/watch/?v=444796349348188

  • Divorce and the loss of the dream

    Divorce and the loss of the dream

    by Maggie van der Bilt

    “Don’t wipe away my tears, I want to feel them on my cheeks.” –  The wise words of a six-year-old who in his innocence, described what we need to do when faced with a life-altering crisis:  acknowledge our grief and loss before we can begin to heal.

    When a bride and groom stand at the altar, the last thing they are planning is a divorce.  Instead, this is the moment they start to put into action their dream of a life together that includes all their hopes and plans for the future.  Raising happy children in a carefree family, having good jobs and a debt-free, healthy household, enjoying holidays, birthday celebrations and children’s graduations.  Growing old together.

    When that couple divorces, however gradually their relationship breaks down to that final step, those dreams come to a halt.  And in their place comes a painful sense of loss.

    To help you understand why you hurt so deeply, it’s important that you understand everything you have lost in the breakup of your marriage. Yes, you have lost your identity as a married person, but you also may have lost your future plans, friends, relatives, finances, your daily helpmate, and sometimes your personal or professional status. You may be experiencing many losses associated with your children.

    Perhaps the greatest loss of all is the loss of the dream you had when you stood at the altar. And with the realisation of that loss, comes grief.  Divorce is the death of a marriage, and the death of a marriage, like any death, requires a grieving process for healing.  The longer someone avoids or camouflages the hurt that follows divorce, the more devastation they bring to themselves and their families.

    For some, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming, but there are healthy ways to cope with your grief and learn to heal.

    Identify your losses

    Dr Norman Wright, grief and trauma therapist and a licensed marriage, family, and child therapist, suggests that you spend time identifying and listing your losses.

    The Bible reminds us that we cannot run from our pain, as we see in Lamentations 3:20  “My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me.”  Unless we acknowledge and accept what we have lost, we will not be able to face reality and heal.

    “Recovery involves being aware of your losses – and each day, you will discover new losses that you never planned on,” says Dr Wright.  While understandably, this does not sound comforting, acknowledging the truth of the extent of your loss plays a vital role in your healing process.  He suggests that you go back even further and identify previous losses, too, so that you can fully clear the way to healing.  Over time, as you heal, you will find something you may never have expected: meaning in the trials you have endured.

    How divorce can be likened to the coronavirus pandemic

    At this time, it is worthwhile to touch on the distress that the world is experiencing during the coronavirus pandemic, which is identified by many psychologists as a manifestation of grief.   We too are grieving the loss of the ‘normal’ things we’ve always taken for granted, such as the freedom to move about where and when we like, to spend time with and hug loved ones and friends, and to work.  Many people have lost their jobs or been forced to close their business doors.

    Just as the divorced person will have to go through the grieving process, listing his or her losses as they become apparent, those who are fearful in the midst of this crisis can follow the same advice.  In the same way that a divorced person will go through a process of adapting to their ‘new normal’ as a single person, so adapting to the anticipated ‘new normal’ after the pandemic will be much easier if we allow ourselves to confront our losses and accept the new realities that are widely expected to emerge.

    As you list all of your losses, the Bible offers a rich source of comfort and healing.  Here are just a few:

    Psalm 147:3  He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

    Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

    1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

    Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

    Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

    Lamentations 3:  21  But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: 22  The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; 23 they are new every morning;  great is your faithfulness.

     

    Author’s note: As someone who has gone through a divorce and now facilitates the DivorceCare support group at Christ Church Midrand, I believe that it is impossible to find healing from this painful experience without Christ.  If you would like more information, or would like to speak to someone, please email supportgroups@ccm.co.za

    Watch this video on the loss of the dream and how Christ heals shattered dreams